How do I find me without you? You invest so much of your life into someone else’s, you become a part of them, Your souls connect, you are one.

Your loved one taught you so much, except one thing, and that’s how to live without them. Each day is spent doing life together. You know each other so well, what certain looks mean, different smiles, hugs, and kisses. Each have their own unique meanings, for different times.

You lose a piece of yourself that you will never get back. You may even fall in love again, but that will not fill the void in you heart, the emptiness you feel inside. The hole is so deep, so large that it will always be a part of you.

Pain changes people. There are so many different kinds of changes. Pain can make you bitter, kinder, or keep you sad. Sad to your core. Have you ever cried so hard that you thought every bone in your body would break? A sadness so great you don’t know how you even got out of bed in the morning? You seriously can’t remember. Yet, you are expected to hold down a job, pay your bills, eat, take care of day to day things when in reality you can’t recall anything past the day your person died.

You go through each day, sometimes even smile, but it’s a blur. It’s not real. None of it.Their heart stopped, their life ended, the only difference is, your heart didn’t stop. Your life in fact did ended with theirs that day too.

So you look, you search, search for new meaning, new reasons why you are still here. Why are they gone and you are still here? This question becomes a reel that goes over and over and over in your head a million times a day.

This question is bigger than you are, and is something you’ll never know. All you know is you want to be where you person is. You want to hear their voice, see their smile, feel their touch. You want it all back.

You are never ready for someone you love to leave you. You always think there is a tomorrow. You find yourself self medicating. Numbing your brain from this God awful pain. The pills and the drinking only make you feel worse. You wake up from your comatose stupor only to find they are still fucking gone.

There is no more us, no more hugs, texts, kisses, fights, make-ups, and goodnights. There are no mores. Let that sink in.

You sit and think of all the memories, good and bad, what you would have done differently.

No two people are perfect. There is no perfect love, but you loved each other very imperfectly.

They made you feel like a princess, treasured, like a gem they found at the bottom of the ocean. Special. You experienced something that was once in a lifetime. You don’t get that twice. Some never get to feel what that’s like. You see, there is high price for love, and that is loss.

Nobody escapes it.