Trust. It is the biggest element of a relationship that will take you from wading in caution to swimming freely in an ocean of peace. It sounds so corny put that way but it is the honest truth. Without trust your relationship is going to nosedive before you even really got it going.

So what do you do if you have “trust issues” and who out there doesn’t? I mean if you’ve been scorned once, cheated on and caught someone lying to you…you might find yourself saying “I have trust issues” more than you like.

Healing after a breakup or having been cheated on is difficult enough. You question what you did wrong. Why weren’t you enough for that person? What could you have done to make them be faithful? After all it has to be you right? Wrong. Never blame yourself for another persons need to cheat or lie. And in the same vein, do not call that gut feeling, that natural hesitation, a “trust issue”. Because it’s not. It is more simple than that. It is you becoming aware of patterns.

Suddenly you realize that when something feels off there is a reason for it. You are noticing this new relationship maybe slipping into a few of the old patterns from the traumatic break up you last went through. Your mind is sharper. Your eyes and ears keen to certain phrases, certain mannerisms that you are now learning to see as red flags.

Trust is important and I’m not saying that trust issues don’t exist because they do. I’m just trying to broaden the spectrum that this isn’t all about you needing to fix one more problem before you’re healed. This is about you growing, learning from past mistakes, seeing red flags and trusting your intuition. Trust issues sounds so negative and it is. But learning and reading behavior patterns in relationships puts a slightly positive spin on it. You are growing. You are healing. Save your trust issues for online shopping schemes and too good to be true products. Beyond that you are merely learning and growing and you should be proud of that.