Lets hope I can get through this piece without a momentary lapse of reason,brain fog,five trips to the loo and chronic exhaustion.And welcome to perimenopause leading to menopause an emotional,psychological and physical roller coaster ride for about a decade of your life with continued changes until you die! I have learnt so much about “the change” s it was once referred to in the eighties, in the last couple of years,not because anyone tells you about the perimenopause but when your own body and brain starts feeling like you are being taken over by some strange forces and symptoms out of nowhere you have nowhere else to go but google the shit out of the subject.And that is how I got to learn a little about this menopausal madness all at the same time as getting married and for the first time in my life able to plan a future with my partner,whereas before I could barely plan next week with the bad boys I thought I could rehabilitate in my past.So a lot happening right there at the gentle age of 44.

I am not sure I knew what my forties would look like and right at the same time I married I went into perimenopause.I remember feeling so exhausted a lot of the time and as I was in a new romantic relationship I thought it was all related to new love,desires,emotions,etc.Partly it was but this was borderline sleep for the winter feeling.And then the burning down there.I felt most days like I had run my fanny ( I know in America this is used to describe your bum but not in Britain!) over the carpet.Or poured neat vinegar over the area.It was so distressing and after very mild temporary relief of trying coconut oil,vitamin E oil I was over it and dragged myself to the Doctor.I will stop right there.Doctors have there place but after being medical gaslighted by them numerous times (yes its a real thing and more common then you think.Google “patients stories” on you tube) I was left with little alternative.Thankfully I saw a female GP who had an interest in female sexual health and she used the word “atrophy” and I knew that was it.After struggling with bladder issues before and seeing a urologist who suggested I have an operation and have a “bladder pacemaker” inserted at the ripe old age of 44 I knew enough to refuse this and though it took a moment I finally got the right answers and treatment.This is what is scary.Doctors are not trained in the menopause and often dismiss women as neurotic,hypochondriacs or simply depressed and dismiss us.This is very slowly starting to change but up until a recently you could not even have a conversation about women and the menopause.Another conversation we should be having is about men and their hormones at a certain time in their lives too and also how to support their partners through this time.Recent research shows there are more breakdowns in a relationship and divorces when women are going through menopause.All because we don not have the tools to navigate this time in our lives and come out the other side intact,strengthened and more resilient.

So over the past five years of being married and in perimenopause and moving not just countries but continents to be with my Braveheart husband I have learnt a lot about the subject of hormones and just how much they affect us.Dr John Gray, author of “men are from Mars,women are from Venus” has studied,talked and written about this extensively.Testosterone is apparently not the enemy.We need it,yes ladies and men of course need it at the right amount otherwise the estrogen increases and this can actually affect them and us indirectly in a negative way.If we knew more about this I am hundred percent sure our relationships would be more understanding of the opposite sex.HRT is now becoming more easily accessible and for some this a lifesaver and for others there might be some risks or you want to choose an alternative. Now not all hormones are created equally and its a fine art of balance.There also has been a massive amount of incorrect information relating to anything HRT for women since a study in early 2000 brought out into the small pool of information available regarding womens health a lot of incorrect statements that have scared women /especially those with a history of cancer in the family,feeling at a loss.Womens health is so under resourced,researched and taken seriously,even in 2023! There has been a few conversations recently that if men had the same issue with hormones that we do so much more money would be piled into research.Look at the “magic blue pill” on the market for men because of the almighty penis! What about the almighty womb,vulva and vagina!

The conversations are starting though as its so very overdue.Its time to come from our red tents and share the knowledge we have, the nuggets of information we have been given. Speak to each other,tell each other our stories. Help each other along and in some instances get help that is there in the form of HRT or another path that helps you balance and navigate this change in life.

In between I think my husband gets its some days.He remarked the other night that most of these “Karens ” on you tube videos are just women going through menopause and maybe that just need understood not laughed at!