https://imgur.com/gallery/thOOKxL

By M. Francesca Gentille

Marbled in dark green with veins of black. She is 8 feet tall with sharply pointed ears, nails, tail and teeth. A darkly terrifying abyss of beauty.

She is cousin to the Shamanic Vision Quest Demons and niece to the Bon Demons, now in service of enlightenment in Tibet. There is nothing she likes better than to rend, rip and tear the illusions of ego attachment. She comesout when love is present.

Lurking in the shadows, she was hidden and covert. One of her favorite pastimes was leaping out to rampage, in unseen moments, leaving lovers’ hearts and pride in shreds. Now she works on behalf of transformation. She is my gargoyle and I love Her.

Gargoyles, Vampyres, Sluts, Attention Grabbers, Needy Snivelers, Saboteurs, Machiavellian Manipulators, Interrogators, Children, Knights, Maidens, Fairies, Fauns and more…

. . . our INNER LANDSCAPE is peopled with beings of terror and delight. INNER ASPECTS are the parts of ourselves that we were trained to hide, deny, suppress, repress, disown and forget. These feelings, desires and needs do not die because Mom, Dad, Teacher, Our Peers, Our Church/ temple/ mosque/ synagogue or some other authority told us they were BAD & WRONG.

But they are neither bad nor wrong. They are PRIMAL LIFE FORCE. When we push them down. They go UNDERGROUND.

They can sink so far into our subconscious mind that we can even forget that we have them or ever had them. We can say things like “I don’t get angry.” “I’m never scared.” “Sure people died or horrid things happened in my childhood but I’m over that. I don’t need to grieve.”

We know they are lurking about when we have feel a feeling or have a behavior that we later say “They made me do that, or feel that.” “You MAKE ME so angry.” “They provoked me. I’m not like that.” “It must have been the _______ (moon, alcohol, drug etc.)” They pop out any time we think that OTHERS have an emotion or behavior that we can’t possibly relate to.

These suppressed and disenfranchised aspects can come out in fantasies, dreams, nightmares and moments of overwhelming rage, irritation, or even passion. Sometimes, we deny & suppress the shiniest most delicious parts of ourselves. Then they become what we are drawn to and fall-in love with in Others.

No matter how hard we try, running from the feelings, desires or needs won’t help. They will just get bigger and harder to suppress. Projecting them onto others won’t help. The world will just keep looking more awful and occur as more difficult to live in.

In my experience and study the only way out of this labyrinth is through it. The only way to transform the underworld is to enter it. The only way to embrace a world of love, joy, ease and success is to embrace our shadowy INNER ASPECTS of terror, rage, grief, depression, passion, power, and Ecstasy.

It is a paradox (two things showing up belonging together that appear not relate to one another.)

When a past boyfriend appeared to me as critical, rageful, fearful and stingy, I needed to find those aspects in myself. It required learning to forgive, love and have compassion for them in me. Only then could I communicate and set my boundaries in a balanced and centered manner. Prior to that it was just a case of complaining and criticizing with no positive result.

I was resisting the learning that life had brought to me. I was resisting compassion.

I was resisting seeing the whole picture in me and in him. When I learned to embrace the negative aspects of me, I could have compassion for them in him. I could set and maintain my limits even if it meant leaving the relationship. I was able to do so with love. Our relationship became such a gift. It started me on the path of KNOWING MY INNER ASPECTS.

This deep self-compassion allows my current relationship to be filled with ease, trust and ongoing love. We work at getting to know our INNER ASPECTS together. When we notice feelings of disconnect, irritation or boredom, we know it is an Inner Aspect that needs to come to the surface and communicate some unfulfilled feeling, desire or need.

We build trust through gently and compassionately sharing these Inner Aspects. It builds a vulnerable and profound intimacy.

Whether you are in a love relationship or not, discovering Inner Aspects can provide great heart healing inside and evoke more beautiful relationships Outside.

I recommend reading “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers,” by Debbie Ford. Also engaging in The Inner Aspect Method (IAMtm).

If you are a gamer, a vivid dreamer, a historical re-enactment person, an actor, a writer or an artist . . . look closely at what you just happen to choose as a character, a composition, a theme or have as a dream. Art, fantasies and dreams are guides to what is hidden in our soul. It leads us to what is asking to be reclaimed.

What is hidden holds onto a great deal of our energy (chi, prana, num, power).

When I suppress my feelings, longings or needs they will often burst out later harming me, or those around me, in a binge of emotional or addictive behavior. In working with, befriending, writing with, talking with and making love from my Inner Aspects, I have learned that all of them, even the ones that appear most dark and frightening, can become allies.

Only when I can have a CONSCIOUS AWARENESS AND DIALOGUE with these “not me’s”, (the HIDDEN, SUPPRESSED Aspects of myself), then I can partner with them to carefully build a life that joyfully fulfills my soul.

I invite you to experiment with this idea. What if everyone and everything in your dream was an aspect of you? What if every personal encounter that stirred up your emotions was an aspect of you?

What if your fantasies, longings, and emotions were meant to be precious and sacred?

What if each of them had a reason, a purpose and a message for you?

Every year in the fall I would dream of Vampyres. They were charismatic, elegant, sexy and charmingly dominating. They would stalk me. I would be terrified and titillated. I would wake shaking from the nightmare. One day, I consciously (while awake) went back into the dream. I asked the Vampyre who he was and what teaching he had for me.

His response was “I am you. If you deny me I will destroy everything you love. I am your hunger for energy, for attention, for control and for power. If you befriend me, I can be a great ally. I have charm and wisdom. I know how to entertain and entice. I can aid you in becoming a more effective teacher and performer. If you work with me I can be fed without harming anyone. What do you choose?”

How about you dear reader? What is in your place of darkness? What do you choose?

Blessings on your path,

Francesca