Most people come to see me because they don’t like how another person makes them feel and want me to somehow magically change the other person or thing. Despite not directly telling me these words, that is exactly what they are asking me to do.

They want me to change their external environment so they no longer need to hurt.

I then become the bearer of bad news when I remind them they are the ones that create their thoughts, and their thoughts create their feelings. In other words, they are 100% responsible for how they feel! It sounds empowering to hear this at first, but we all know that if it were as easy as simply changing how you think, well, frankly, we would all be much happier, and I would be out of a job.

The problem is that it is not at all easy to change how we think; in fact, it is extremely hard to change a habit of thought. Like any other habit we develop, it is housed in the subconscious mind and on auto-pilot.

Sometimes, I am asked what my definition of freedom is.

My definition of freedom is to have the power to respond and not react. It takes tremendous power to hold back and be in discomfort when triggered.

When I use the word triggered, I am referencing to a person who awakens or disturbs a childhood wound. When triggered, your first action is a reaction and rarely a response. True wisdom lies in the space between the trigger and the response.

Practising self-awareness allows one to notice when they are triggered and, when urged to defend and react, that they can instead move away and breathe in deeply, to self-regulate, and come back to a grounded homeostatic state.

This practice is not at all easy, but if you continue to do it daily, the rewards far surpass the daily suffering you may be experiencing.