There I was, lying face up on the recycled rubber mat, wispy hair tickling my face, hanging on her every word, anxiously anticipating the next cue.

“Breathe in fear,” she directed.

Discerning that command as I simultaneously obeyed it, my heart stopped and I experienced what is known as asphyxiation.

Benign as it may seem, that cue led me into a state of “fight or flight,” also known as sympathetic nervous system.

The utter ignorance on the teacher’s part overlooked by the massive group at the retreat and thousands of vulnerable followers she has since lured with frequent photos of her bosom and seemingly inspirational, yet truly shaming and vulgar quotes, encouraged–not only by a community, but an industry that totes “YOU ARE ENOUGH!” “DO YOU!” “YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!” without actually knowing the underlying reasons many become yoga teachers in the first place.

Disgusted by the greed and negligence of the yoga alliance, and the absence of conscience of those who grab the certificate and wear it as if it gives them some type of power and authority over those who go to them for guidance in exercise (literally, this same teacher actually said to me, on the dl, “Nobody cares about anatomy, Michele.”

What is even sadder is that I did not know my voice at the time, my worth to stand up and say, “Hey!  You can’t tell people who are here for peace and respite, and potentially on the journey of healing from trauma to ‘BREATHE IN FEAR’!”  “What the heck is wrong with you?!”

Not only did fear keep me from speaking up, but I also didn’t feel like giving her that information at the time and planned to establish my own community for which I would do the “right” thing by telling them to “breathe in LOVE.”

Seeing as hindsight is 20/20, looking back I wish I would have said something so as to protect the hundreds of others who have succumbed to, well, breathing in fear.

Alas, I am doing it now.

Dear yoga alliance, you should be ashamed of yourself for letting just anyone obtain a certificate to teach others who may be vulnerable and unaware, who may not yet know their voice, who ARE succumbing to invisible narcissistic abuse in the yoga studios and on social media because, don’t you know, a two hundred hour training in a potentially very dangerous ancient practice of exercise and “spirituality” can go straight to one’s head?