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February 4, 2024

7 Stages of Trauma Bonding & Recovery

What is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding develops when an abuser makes the victim feel dependent on them for validation and care through manipulation techniques and gaslighting. This results in the victim developing a deep attachment to the abuser. This happens in friendships, families, and professional relationships, in addition to romantic narcissistic relationships, where it frequently happens.

In a relationship, trauma bonding can happen along with any potential physical or sexual abuse. But even when you are stuck in the cycle of abuse, it can not feel easy to “walk away,” regardless of whether the abuse is solely psychological or a combination of the two.

It can take a long time for survivors to learn how to break free from their toxic relationship, and frequently, they stay longer than they should because they are afraid for their safety or their means of support. This can result in even worse abuse before they can break free.

What Are the Signs of Trauma Bonding?

Breaking free from a trauma bond starts with recognizing it. Here, we compare Stockholm Syndrome—a condition in which captives develop sympathy for their captors—to the repeated cycle of abuse in such bonds:

Unhealthy Attachment: Despite chronic mistreatment, there remains a powerful emotional bond to the abuser frightening separation even when the perpetrator is away.
Abuse Dismissal: We may minimize or excuse abuse.
The abuser may isolate us from friends and family, increasing our bond as our primary support system.
Like Stockholm Syndrome victims, we may have confused emotions for the abuser, including love, terror, and devotion.
Cyclical abuse and compassion: A cycle of abusive behavior and kindness that keeps us hoping for a difference that never comes.
Wanting approval from the abuser despite devaluation.
We may blame ourselves for the abuse or think we earned it when our self-esteem declines.

Stages of trauma bonding: who is more at risk?

Experiencing trauma bonds usually seek those who have experienced relational and emotional trauma, whether on purpose or not. To make them feel better when they finally break them, abusers often find self-sufficient, determined, intelligent, and influential individuals.

Among the additional risk factors for trauma response are:

    • Individuals with dependent personalities
    • Anyone who is easily forgiven and highly values “the good times.”
    • Individuals who have experienced abuse during their childhood or in previous relationships, as well as those with disordered, nervous, or avoidant attachment styles
  • Individuals who tend to doubt themselves despite overwhelming evidence that points the finger at them
  • Current mental health issues include anxiety, BPD, and depression.
  • Individuals who have separation anxiety Individuals who are easily offended
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