“Why can’t I see myself the way you see me?” I asked my husband the other day.

It’s true. He thinks I’m pretty and smart and witty and sexy and loved and adventurous and…I think he’s lying. He admires my personality traits, but it never resonates with me.

For most of my life, I have struggled with low self-esteem. If you tell me that black looks good on me, I will find a reason to prove you wrong. If you tell me this very article I’m writing right now is brilliant, I will say thank you…but I will not believe you.

My self-esteem has been wounded many years ago, and although I have come a long way, sometimes I feel that I will never find a Band-Aid big enough to cover all my scabs.

They say that people with a history of trauma might suffer from low self-esteem. The good news is that it makes sense. The bad news is that I don’t know where to start.

Yesterday I came across a quote by Jay Shetty that blew my mind:

“The way you feel about yourself is based on the thoughts you choose to believe about yourself.” 

How do I feel about myself? Well, I never feel good about myself. The limiting beliefs I have always had about myself have stopped me from connecting to my life—and the people in it. I have dodged good opportunities more times than I care to remember because I have thought that they might be out of my league.

When good comes my way, my feeling of inadequacy resurfaces. I make up stories that don’t even exist. As Shetty says, it’s my choice; I choose to believe my made-up stories.

But I know this. I know that I’m the creator of my thoughts, and no matter how many times my husband tells me I’m pretty, if I don’t believe it, I will always see an ugly girl staring at me when I stand in front of a mirror.

The only thing I can do now is to be kinder to myself. Whenever I feel neglected, unloved, or underappreciated, I remind myself that I’m good enough—that the stories in my head are not real.

I ask myself, “What is causing me to feel unworthy? Why am I feeling this way right now?”

I search for the answer and remember that what I think I deserve doesn’t match reality.

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