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Space, the final frontier, of understanding yourself and your partner.

Standing in your own power and allowing your partner to stand in theirs takes time, patience, humility, understanding, and strength.

I struggle with this task being a recovering codependent person seeking approval and always trying to fix issues outside of myself.

I grew up misunderstanding people’s bubbles and their personal space physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’m what I would consider a space invader. Always needing to know and control what’s going on in the other’s mind and why they’re feeling what they feel toward me, any given situation, or their overall being at the moment.

This is none of my business nor my responsibility! 

What is my business? Me and my space, what I’m going through, my actions, my feelings, my thoughts, and everything inside of me!

Over the last few years, my partner has struggled with me because of my habits surrounding not needing and not giving space. Not only did I not understand taking my own space but also giving others their space as well. I couldn’t comprehend why my lover would need to deal with their own feelings on their own. Why can’t they come to me with those things? I would feel sad and incompetent. This wasn’t my fault nor my responsibility to take on those feelings of guilt.

This lesson is finally sinking in because I’m finally looking inside myself to find answers to my own feelings. I’m finally speaking to my best friend, me, to sit with the things I’m going through. Listening to my emotions and the events of the day while analyzing and processing these things without seeking outside validation or consultation for it. In the end, whose validation do I need in life? My own and that’s it!

It has been really difficult for me to find this and it’s finally starting to click.

When I found my self-love and began to be comfortable sitting with myself, alone, and counseling myself with my own love and wisdom, I began to understand why the space was necessary. Loving myself enough to give myself time alone for reflection and growth is key to my development and cancelling out the bad habits of seeking validation, love, and energy from outside sources.

Once I started to find out how this space was so important for me, I finally saw why others need it so much and why their frustration builds exponentially when that space is not respected. Respect plays a major role in self-love and regulation. If I can’t love and respect myself enough to give myself time and space to process, reflect, and heal, I can’t possibly begin to give that to others.

I promise myself, I will always give time and space to myself whenever and wherever it is needed. I will give others the time and space they need equally, with love and respect.

Now I’m free to boldly go where many have gone before—into their own time and space for loving and healing. 

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