{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

I can detect fake kindness from a mile away.

Maybe I’m just intuitive, but I can easily tell when someone is being genuinely kind to me or not.

Since we were children, my mother has taught us that how we treat someone else matters greatly. Simple things like saying thank you or getting someone we love a present was the norm in our house.

Now that I have a child of my own, I know that he is capable of being kind too. I think kindness is inherent. However, we either develop it or we let life steal it away from us.

Sadly, life can and will at some point rob us of our innate traits. Because whether we like it or not, life won’t always be pleasant. As a result, some people might become cynical, jaded, depressive, or…unkind.

For me, kindness is one of the most important virtues. It cuts me deep when someone I love and respect doesn’t treat me as well as I treat them. That is not to say that I expect genuine kindness all the time, but I do expect good intentions at least.

And…you should too. Kindness is what makes the world a better place. Without it, our relationships would crumble and the meaning of love would falter. Because, really, what is love without kindness?

I know it can be confusing to tell the difference between genuine kindness and manipulative kindness. When I was younger, I would appreciate any gesture that was disguised as kindness. Because I was so hungry for love, I couldn’t tell if someone was really being helpful or not.

I’ve been hurt and disappointed more times than I care to remember because of other people’s manipulative kindness. You see, genuine kindness doesn’t ever go away. It is constant and unchanging. It is promising. But kindness that’s full of manipulation always leaves us disappointed and hungry for more.

Your kindness radar might be different than mine, but I have personally realized that these behaviors are toxic and unfavourable.

Someone who’s not genuinely kind might:

1. Expect something in return. Even if you feel that their kindness is genuine, you will be shocked to discover that they might want something from you. They simply want to get benefits for themselves too.

2. Struggle with conditioned kindness. It means that they’re only kind when they’re happy, in a good mood, healthy, and so on. You might find that they’re not so kind in unfavourable situations such as being sick or simply having a busy day.

3. Seek validation. They want to make sure that the people whom they have treated with kindness are grateful and thankful. Their kindness is an indirect way to receive attention and love.

4. Get upset if the outcome doesn’t meet their expectations. They have fixed expectations about how people should receive their acts of kindness. If we don’t meet that expectation, someone who’s not genuinely kind might get really upset or disappointed.

5. Not be consistent. If they’re kind today, they might be rude tomorrow. Genuine kindness is consistent. It’s everlasting. So if someone’s kindness always fluctuates, chances are it’s fake.

6. Not be kind anonymously. When they’re kind, they make sure that everyone knows. That said, they can never be kind for their own sake because they’re deeply attached to other people’s reactions and appreciation.

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