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I’m a Pisces, which means my view of the world is dreamy.

Roses and daisies, full of infinite possibilities.

As a creative, this is an advantageous strength, but in the real world, my heart endures a lot of heartache and angst.

I stumbled upon a fascinating fact recently. It said that our subconscious mind cannot tell reality and imagination apart. This means whenever we create a mental picture of something, our brain receives it and processes it as reality.

It is rare for me to meet someone and feel instant butterflies. On average, it happens once every three years. (True story!)

But when it happens, it’s like a new level of madness is unlocked.

I will ruminate over every little detail and constantly think of them. I will create a vivid mental picture of our life together.

A beautiful log cabin in the mountains, and three little children running around as I walk in our garden, wearing a white summer dress and plucking flowers for our floral centerpiece just in time for dinner. Him, with the wind blowing in his long, blonde hair as he drives along the country road on his way back to us after a long day at work.

The visual image in my head is so real that I can smell the scent of the lilies in our garden and the pine trees on the road he is driving on.

So what happens when my mind registers this as real?

As I laid in bed one night and thought about my latest obsession, my handsome “pasta and lobster,” it occurred to me that chances are I will never see him again. I felt sorry for myself as I struggled to breathe from the physical pain that my heart and body experienced.

“I thought it was finally my turn,” I sighed.

Then I had a light bulb moment.

My subconscious mind does not understand that every scenario in my thoughts was imagined. We were on good terms and always communicated.

The thoughts were simply a result of my fears.

The mind is similar to a fruitful land where different seeds are planted. Our ideas, concepts, and opinions are the seeds, and when we plant them in our mind, they grow.

Growing up, our mind was filed with different seeds that transformed our beliefs. One of those seeds was the childhood conditioning of how we romanticized the idea of love.

Many of us believe that our lives will truly start the day we find our other half. I have spent the last 15 years of my adult life waiting and searching. Hoping that someone will come along and complete the puzzle, just like in the Bollywood and Telemundo movies I watched growing up.

This desperate yearning and craving has led me down dark paths in the past. I have given the best parts of myself to the most undeserving people.

We are so obsessed with starting the rest of our new life that we do not see or appreciate the one we are currently living.

I have an amazing life, a good career that I am proud of, a son who is the light of my eyes, the most loving and supportive parents, and an amazing best friend.

But we make our lives unstable by layering on too many complexities. Fundamentally, humans are not so different from the rest of nature’s creatures. Food, water, and a warm place to sleep are all we need. This is what nature intended.

It hit me that I am tired of running on hamster wheels, basing the quality of my life on my relationship status, chasing that dangling carrot of future happiness.

Our thoughts are not an infallible guide to reality. When we blindly believe every thought that arises, we create a whirlwind of emotional turmoil and perpetuate negativity. We need to learn the art of observing our thoughts without judgment, allowing them to arise and pass like clouds in the sky.

By detaching from our thoughts and simply observing them, we begin to see them for what they are—fleeting mental phenomena, not absolute truths.

I have promised myself to connect with the essence of my being, beyond the constant chatter of my thoughts and emotions.

And if love finds me along the way, that’s all well and good.

If not, I will face each day with joy and find happiness, beauty, and contentment in the simple pleasures of life. In my son’s laughter, a sparkling river, a mirrored lake, a dramatic sunset, the magic of sunlight reflecting off freshly cut grass and laying under a tree with sun rays filtering through the leaves and warming my face.

I hope you do too.

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