{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

I know many couples who have been together for decades—like my parents.

Unlike what you might think, they’re not happy all the time, and…their relationship is far from being perfect.

They always fight over silly things when they cook together, for example. Sometimes, they might even go to bed angry. Yet, they’re a successful couple and they have kept going against all odds.

They have something that I have seen over and over again in other successful relationships. And it’s not the sex, or the quality time, or the frequent date nights.

It’s something much better.

1. Willingness. The ability to form a long-lasting, happy relationship requires willingness and resilience. When challenges arise, successful couples know that the most important factor is their energy and enthusiasm for problem-solving. If we don’t have the willingness to make it work, we will never work hard enough to find solutions for our most common relationship problems.

2. Consistency. Working hard enough to fix, build, and rebuild is beautiful and necessary. But it’s not sufficient if it’s not done frequently over the course of time. Inner work is the answer to most of our problems in relationships. However, reprogramming our thoughts and beliefs takes time and effort. That is why consistency is key.

3. Patience. This one is a game changer. It is normal for relationships to experience many ups and down. It is also normal to mess up or deal with a partner who’s making the necessary work to eventually stop messing up. Either way, patience helps us to understand the other and develop empathy and equanimity to deal with unfortunate events in a better way.

4. Skills. I have realized that successful couples are naturally inclined to establish certain patterns and also master some skills that they might need later in tough times. That said, if you want your relationship to flourish, develop the skills you need to better navigate fights, misunderstandings, difficult conversations, or big conflicts. Some great skills involve active listening, showing respect, healthy communication, and smart negotiation.

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