{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

 

Romantic relationships are flimsy in nature.

That’s why breakups happen so often.

It’s hard to tell what contributes to the strength of a relationship. There are many factors that might extend its durability, but they might not be enough to hold it together.

That’s not to say that longevity is the goal of relationships. But couples who have been together for decades and are truly happy teach us an important lesson:

That love brings people together, but it doesn’t keep them together.

For a relationship to thrive, we need skills—really, really good skills. Trust, healthy communication, altruism, forgiveness, and so on, are all key factors in long-term relationships. However, for me, there are other essentials that we need to be familiar with.

If you answer yes to these three questions, you are in a sturdy relationship that may stand the test of time:

1. Do you choose your battles?

Disagreements and confrontations are inevitable in romantic relationships. We may feel the need to take on every single conflict and prove we’re right whenever the opportunity arises.

We think that we must address every issue, regardless of how barren it may be.

The truth is we don’t need to get involved in every confrontation, and knowing when to let go and when to confront is a true skill that can extend the life of your relationship. That’s not to say that we should brush under the rug important matters, but we need to learn how to properly evaluate abnormal situations and check in with ourselves before we make an emotionally driven decision.

Having said that, know when to fight. If you can choose your battles, then you can save your energy and time for the problems that are worth addressing and reduce the drama in your relationship by at least 50 percent.

2. Can you regulate your emotions?

We don’t talk enough about how being able to manage our emotions in romantic relationships can be a game-changer.

Partners who can’t or don’t know how to control their heightened emotions are either in unhappy relationships or jump from one relationship to another without realizing that their emotional dysregulation might be impacting the quality of their connections.

If you are able to keep your emotions in check, then you are aware of your negative feelings when they rise in your body and you prevent them from hijacking your relationship.

Instead of suppressing them or expressing them in a toxic and disrespectful way, you find ways to articulate them constructively with your partner.

3. Are you loyal to your values?

Choices, desires, and people change; our values don’t. Consequently, if we are able to stick to what matters, our relationships might never fail.

When our fundamental principles lead the relationship, our partner will always feel a sense of safety in our words and actions.

Keep in mind that behind every fight or breakup there’s a partner who hasn’t sticked to their values.

So making sure to continuously align our values with our relationship can help partners to honor each other in the long run and is, in fact, the best way to promote security and respect.

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