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I was eight years old when I joined a Brownie troop so I could go camping, hiking, and learn how to build fires.

As it turned out, that’s what the Boy Scouts were for.

So, I told my Brownie troop leader that I wanted to join the Boy Scouts instead. She explained that I couldn’t because I wasn’t a boy, and then directed me to a little plastic loom and a pile of multicolored fabric loops. I was told to watch the other girls so I could learn how to make a potholder—as if that were a thrilling experience I was fortunate to be offered.

I mean, talk about indoctrination: “Here, little girl. Get ready for life in the kitchen…”

This was about the same age when I began to notice other ways gender expectations impinged on my freedoms. I was scolded for taking off my top and running through a sprinkler with the boys in my neighborhood because girls are not supposed to do that. In hindsight, the idea that my tiny little eight-year-old breasts were sexualized makes me nauseous. I mean, seriously? Ew. But back then, I was just confused that I wasn’t allowed to do what my friends were doing.

I am grateful that in my lifetime much of society has begun to understand that gender and sexual identity exist on a spectrum. It makes me happy to see children encouraged to enjoy whatever activities, toys, colors, or clothes they find appealing, rather than being socialized to conform to “norms” that are nothing more than a silly human construct.

And these really are silly human constructs we are talking about. Think about it. Who decided that children should have this interest or that based simply upon the genitalia they were born with?

Look, I get it. Once upon a time, it made sense for society to organize itself in such a way that there were clearly defined roles so we could hunt and gather and avoid being eaten by predators. But those days are past. Evolution requires innovation—and our greatest innovators are never conformists.

Little Janie won’t play with a doll dressed all in pink, its feet molded permanently into high heels? She prefers toy cars and trucks, or the chemistry set, or the action figure? Cool. Leave her alone and let her be a kid.

When we socialize children to conform, rather than to explore their interests and strengths as individuals, we are eliminating so many possibilities for ourselves as a society.

The backlash against progress absolutely f*cking breaks my heart. Some people are so steeped in their own ignorance, their own narrow view of life, they make it their mission to make others miserable. I used to wish they would reap what they’ve sown, but now I meditate on how the world might look if their hearts were softened and their minds opened. That would be beautiful.

As Pride month draws to a close, I will tell you that I greatly appreciate how much progress I have seen in my lifetime, even as we still have a long way to go. I have always been different, but now this tomboy has a true understanding of herself and her place in this world. I am deeply proud of who I am, the obstacles I have overcome, and the life I have built.

I am she/her, wild and defiant, weird and witchy and female, happiest barefoot, immersed in salt water or dirt from my garden or off on some sort of wild outdoor adventure. I wear dresses sometimes, mostly the comfortable kind with pockets, always in my favorite color: black—like the night sky, full of mysteries. I am most at ease in the company of dogs, but I will never stop looking for the best in people.

I am sh*t at remembering pronouns, but I’ll keep trying. As our language and glossary have evolved, I know I am what the kids today call pansexual. What a lovely change from my adolescent days, when I was told that what I was didn’t exist. We are all so much more than what any one label can define, but how nice to have language that helps us find those who share some of our experience. How nice to know we are not alone.

At the heart of it, I just want to be allowed to live and love in this world, to experience this life as fully as I possibly can. I want that for you too.

And not for nothing, but those potholders I made as a Brownie all those years ago?

They look an awful lot like a rainbow.

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