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“I hate my body!”

“Look at these flabby arms, those weird thighs!”

“No matter what I do, I can never get my body to look the way I want it to!”

Sigh, I have to admit that I too have been there, done that. I’ve judged and criticised my body for not being a certain way, not living up to societal expectations of how I should have looked. I have stood in front of the mirror many times and dissected every body part, hoping and wishing it would magically become “perfect.”

It’s sad that from the time we’re born, we’re always compared to and forced to live up to some ideal. Someone or something is always better than us and it’s as if our only job is to confine to those benchmarks and expectations.

Our uniqueness is not understood and celebrated. We’re only meant to be “perfect,” and what is that “perfect”? No one knows.

And we set off every child on this quest for perfection the minute they step into this world. Either their nose is too big or arms are too thin, their complexion is too white or too dull and it never stops. Then you add or subtract body weight from the equation and it becomes a different ball game altogether!

I can’t even remember the times I was bullied for my height or weight, and I grew up believing that something was so wrong with me because I didn’t look a certain way. There were times I didn’t want to look at myself, let alone step out of the house. When I would meet people, I would have this radio running in the background telling me, “See, you look so fat!” “You shouldn’t have worn this!” ” I wish I was as tall and slim like her!” and when I got diagnosed with PCOS, which finally put my weight issues in perspective, it created a different kind of storm.

The world does a pretty pathetic job of accepting and embracing you, and then when you validate their claims and expectations, you add fuel to the very fire that has been burning you.

“Don’t let your mind bully your body.” ~ June Tomaso Wood

It took me years to finally come to terms with how my body is and what it can or can’t do. Today, I love and respect my body for everything that it is and does for me. But it was a long journey toward self-understanding, acceptance, and compassion. And I know that so many of us are where I was years ago—struggling to love their bodies because they are too caught up with how it “should” be rather than focussing and accepting it for what “it is.”

Here are some signs that tell you that you don’t have a good relationship with your body:

1. Constant negative self-talk about your body, making self-deprecating statements like “I don’t like my body” or “I hate it.”

2. Constantly comparing yourself to others and wishing your body looked a different way.

3. You either check the mirror too frequently or avoid looking at yourself altogether.

4. You dress in ways to hide or cover up your body.

5. You avoid or feel too self-conscious at social events.

6. You tend to feel unattractive and unworthy, which impacts your mood.

7. Even a small flaw seems like a huge one to you and is enough to send you in a downward spiral of self-critical and judgmental self-talk.

8. You indulge in overeating or undereating, and in both the cases it stems from a lack of respect for your body.

Underneath all these behaviours and more lies a deep sense of shame, guilt, and unworthiness that comes from being told and made to feel that the way we look is not okay, and when we add instances of verbal or physical bullying, it makes the whole experience of being ourselves and looking a certain way unbearable.

The world doesn’t make it easy to love yourself, isn’t it?

And the more we wait and chase after the world to validate us in any way, the more we cut off and feel disconnected from ourselves.

The fact is that loving yourself is never about the world. It’s always about you and the relationship you have with yourself, including your body. After all, your body is a representation of you, isn’t it?

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed and you are beautiful.” ~ Amy Bloom

It took me years to reach this place where I love and respect my body for everything it does for me and you can too.

Here are a few things that can help you build a better relationship with your body:

1. Stop the self-critical self-talk and start replacing it with a more accepting, gentle one. Instead of saying things like “I hate my body,” start with “I respect my body for what it does for me.”

2. Shift your focus from appearance to functionality. Think of everything that you are being able to do because of your body. After all, this is the only vehicle which is helping you to live your life.

3. Get into a gratitude mindset for everything your body does for you.

4. Focus on health and not weight. Do things that make you feel good, energised, and help your body to feel strong and nourished. Dump the scale!

5. Limit your social media exposure that keeps highlighting unrealistic beauty standards. Follow people who have something of value and meaning to share, who help you grow, and unfollow those who aren’t doing any of it.

6. Surround yourself with people who treat you with love, kindness, and respect, and who are always there to uplift you.

7. Focus on your strengths and uniqueness. You are meant to be different and not someone’s clone!

8. Be kind and compassionate to yourself especially on the days when you are at your worst because that’s when you need yourself the most.

9. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself: “I am good enough,” “I love my body,” and repeat it for days and months till it actually starts to come naturally to you.

“Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Remember, your body is the only representation of you. It is the only asset that you have to get through life. You can either spend your entire life hating it and wishing it to be different and in the process doing the same to yourself in different ways, or you can accept, respect, and love it for everything that it does for you because this is really all that you have. That’s what’s keeping you alive, isn’t it?

I’d say, choose the latter. The more you love your body, the more it will love you back. Treat it with the care and kindness that you never got. Your body deserves it and so do you.

“You look how you look. Be comfortable. What are you going to do? Be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That’s just dumb.” ~ Jennifer Lawrence

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