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The other day a quote passed through my Facebook stream that I deeply related to, so I posted it with my thoughts and reflections.
People liked it.
Today, I felt inspired to turn it into an article to share with you in this forum.
The quote in the post went as follows:
“People assume your gentleness must have come from an easy life. They don’t know you walked through the darkness alone and transformed your pain into power, your wounds into wisdom, the mistreatment of others into boundaries, and your generational curses into blessings.”
Yes, this is a false assumption many have made about me more often than I can count. Because I am gentle and live with genuine happiness, joy, and excitement about life, it is often assumed that I must have had it easy, which could not be further from the truth.
I worked hard to heal my pain and traumas to regain my natural happiness. I have experienced some of the darkest moments and violations any human being can endure, moments that most, unfortunately, do not make it back from. This is why my life is now dedicated to helping other women do the same.
The truth is that gentleness, wisdom, and compassion are the potential fruits of our challenges and traumatic experiences. When we view life as a school for the higher evolution of mind and soul, we realize that we are here to learn to alchemize the inherent elements of duality within us and in the external world.
No one taught me this. Nature reflected this truth back to me early in life. Nature has always been my refuge and my greatest teacher in understanding and navigating life.
Nature taught me that we have all been innately equipped with the capacity to alchemize our experiences of pain, to deepen our love and understanding of self and life. This understanding guided me through every challenge, every abuse, and every moment of existential confusion.
Navigating with these truths has brought me through every storm, every time, bringing me into a deeper experience of gratitude and humility.
However, this truth is not popularized. Instead, drama, hate, victimization, and belief systems that keep us trapped in pain are taught and enforced as the normal way to react to pain and loss.
But there is nothing normal about it.
We are nature, governed by the same laws and equipped with the same creative force of resilience, enabling us to use all forces of “destruction”‘ to create anew, to become more than we were before the pain and loss.
But we have to choose that path again and again, moment by moment.
We have to let the pain deepen our joy and appreciation of life.
Let loss remind us how precious each moment is, to cherish and cultivate love, generosity, and kindness.
Let confusion lead us to the insight and wisdom we seek, which evolves our mind, soul, and awareness.
“Don’t surrender your loneliness and pain so quickly. Let it cut you more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can.” ~ Hafiz
We are designed to transform and evolve through the friction of contrast and adversity.
We can choose to become bitter or better.
Truly, no exceptions. As long as we have the cognitive capacity to think, reason, and reflect, we have the power to alchemize and transform our inner world, which then, by default, transforms our external world.
But it takes great effort to alchemize. It requires identifying when our unhealthy/narcissistic survival ego is taking over.
We have to have an inner hunger for learning and evolving beyond where we are to the life we long to live.
We need to reeducate our ego and restore it so that it is healthy and aligned with the higher frequencies of love and truth that govern all life.
Our ego is meant to serve our soul, not suppress it. The servant is not meant to be the master of the household. When that happens, chaos and disorder rule.
For the most part, we are all in chaos and disorder until we choose a more enlightened path through the maze of life.
We need to apply the effort to restore order in ourselves. We must meet our survival ego shadows that are still caught in pain and confusion so we can heal those aspects and restore our sense of inner wholeness aligned with Universal Wisdom, Truth, and Love.
In our era of convenience and a toss-away culture, we tend to avoid the discomfort and effort of self-discipline that leads to self-knowing and self-mastery.
Yet that is the only path that can lead to the inner freedom and genuine happiness we seek.
Our effort is our love made manifest.
We are a force of nature, with so much power to influence and affect our lives for the better.
When we choose to stay dialled in—to love, the miracle that we even exist, the miracle of each new moment, the miracle that we can learn, grow, and evolve beyond where we are at any moment we choose to embark on that journey, no matter what—this is when we align with the forces of nature, God, and Spirit, working with us, not against us.
This alignment gives us the capacity to rise beyond the distortions and stories of pain, creating the healing space to actually heal the trauma wounds that are buried and kept alive under our stories.
Meeting and feeling the pain we so desperately try to avoid and cover over with unhealthy coping mechanisms, until it transforms into wisdom and awareness, lands us in the truth of each present moment, where it can guide us forward, teach us about ourselves, so we can truly know ourselves, stepping out of the trauma loops that otherwise rob us of our joy and power.
We do this so that we can be free to live the life we long to live. This is what life has shown me to be true, again and again.
When we have walked those arduous, dark, and painful miles, made it to the other side, all that remains is love, understanding, and compassion for the human condition, leading to gentleness, as referred to in the above quote.
When we have not walked these miles, we continue to cause unconscious, unintentional harm. We bleed our pain onto those who did not harm us. We judge, gossip, and cause this harm because of the unmet and unhealed trauma within.
The gentle, empathic souls we encounter have a story, but because they took this road less traveled, all we can see is their innocence restored, their love, kindness, and joy, because that is what they chose to be the defining force in their lives that brought them through the darkness into the light.
Do we really want peace on earth and in our families?
Then it’s time to heal our trauma, to walk through our inner pain and darkness into the dawn of a new day, where we can alchemize all our pain into meaning, passion, and purpose. It may be the hardest path we take but definitely the most rewarding.
That is when we can truly begin to embody Agape, Universal Love, where we can feel the truth that we are one.
This is when we can truly love one another, as is the message all the great Masters have imparted for us to aspire to.
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