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Okay, unpopular opinion:

Divorce is brave.

There, I said it. Is it also terrifying, heart-wrenching, and the last thing that you ever saw yourself going through? Of course.

But someone once told me, the right choice is never the easy one. And boy is that the truth. If we listen to our gut, and dig deep to find the courage to make that choice though, it pays off every time.

Here’s a quick little backstory about me.

I grew up with divorced parents. Both remarried when I was about five or six and have been married since. For me, I never thought much about divorce. It was the norm in my family. I never had a distrust in marriage because of it, nor did I think I’d never get a divorce.

Fast-forward to my marriage. I was 26, which now seems really young to be making a life-long decision like marriage. But I was young and in love and thought I had it all figured out. Love really is blind, isn’t it?

Once we were married, we moved to a new state and bought our first home, and at that point, we were incredibly happy and in love. We had a baby, the most perfect little creature I ever laid eyes on, and things were going really well for us. We then sold our first house and built my dream house, and it wasn’t too long after that that things started falling apart.

Now, this is not something that came out of nowhere. There were issues that had piled up throughout our relationship and marriage. But it was also during Covid, when the world shut down and anything and everything that was being swept under the rug from day-to-day life, or issues that weren’t being addressed, was coming to the surface to be dealt with.

During this period, I went through a series of emotions. I was in denial, of course, because look at my life. I have the big house, the nice car, the perfect baby, the handsome husband. How could I break up my family and leave all of this behind? Am I going to ruin my daughter’s life? Will she resent me for my choices? What will custody look like? Can I afford to live on my own?

I was terrified, but deep down I knew. I just wasn’t ready to face it yet.

So, me being a praying girl, I dropped to my knees and begged God to show me, help me, guide me. What do I do? I have this beautiful life that I built and worked hard for, but I’m empty inside. I was a shell of who I used to be. We tried counseling, talking, and different approaches to the same old problems, but it was too little, too late. (As men often are.)

I had already begun pulling away. But the guilt was still eating at me. I wanted to stay for my daughter, to keep her home and her family together.

I heard a little voice inside me that said, Well, maybe you can make yourself happy—and I laughed. I literally laughed. Because the thought of that was preposterous! Spend the rest of my life convincing myself I’m happy when I could actually make a change to be happy? So I prayed and prayed. And let me tell you something, if you are not ready to see and receive what you are asking God or the Universe, or whoever you pray to, to show you, don’t ask. Because they will show you and show you and show you until you are ready.

When I finally did receive and accept (one of the hardest parts) the clarity I had been praying for, it happened quickly. One night on our living room floor it all came out and we decided to end our marriage. As a woman, I believe it’s in our nature to fix things, so to let it all fall apart, as I had prayed for, felt completely chaotic and I immediately wanted to take it all back.

But there was that little voice again, telling me to be still and quiet because things are working out how they’re supposed to. So, I obeyed. I went to bed bawling so hard I couldn’t breathe. As I calmed down, little truths began making their way into my thoughts to ease the fear and the pain. One of the most profound was, “Two separate happy households are better than one dysfunctional one.” From that, I vowed to show my daughter one of two things: either me being loved the right way, or me making it happen for us on my own.

As millennial moms, we are the generation tasked with breaking generational cycles. And be it a blessing or a curse, I’m willing to take on that task for my daughter, and for her daughter. Because we are a new breed of woman. We aren’t just going to stay for the lifestyle or the free ride. We aren’t going to be quiet and be a good wife to a husband who isn’t deserving. We aren’t going to settle for a life that is less than everything we desire.

Our path may be a little tougher, and it may come with a few speed bumps and detours to get there, but in the end, it will be worth it.

We are the example. It’s our responsibility to give the younger generation a safe space to say, “I changed my mind.” A reminder that it’s okay to say, “I’m not happy anymore,” and “I will no longer tolerate this treatment in my marriage,” and “I’m choosing me.”

We are done being doormats. We’re done being complacent and taking sh*t. Because we can figure it out on our own.

And please hear me when I say, you can do it, too. The finances will be all right, the babies will be happy, and the living situation will work itself out. If you know within your heart that you are in this place, there is nothing worth more than your happiness.

You have your whole life ahead of you, so go live it!

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