{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

Loving myself unconditionally has never been easy.

I like myself when I’m grounded, happy, and kind. But I despise myself when I’m angry, sad, and rude. Although I understand my fluctuating nature as a human being, I’m determined to keep my day and emotional state pretty steady.

My inner struggles might be different than yours, but I think we can all agree that loving ourselves amidst emotional storms is so damn hard. How can we possibly love ourselves when we keep failing ourselves?

Today I read a quote by Pema Chödrön that made me rethink self-induced failure and the love I hold for myself. Maybe it’s not that I keep failing myself; maybe I just need to change my perception.

“The point is that our true nature is not some ideal that we have to live up to. It’s who we are right now, and that’s what we can make friends with and celebrate.” 

The truth is, as Chödrön suggests, I’ve been living up to an ideal and…I’m honestly tired. In Buddhism, holding on to who we think we are or should be is the source of all our suffering and problems. Even when I’m grounded, happy, and kind, I feel that I can do better. I’m hardly satisfied with who I am right now.

If you can relate, then you know how ugly it is to live inside your head. We’re shackled by the what ifs and shoulds. We’re tormented by our incessant thoughts that are rooted in discontent and greed. In short, we don’t expect less than perfect, and it’s sad.

According to Buddhism, making friends with our messy emotional states and difficult feelings is not only okay but also beautiful. We can never be perfect or happy all the time. We can’t expect ourselves to remain in a positive state of mind when the very nature of our mind is ever-changing. So what we can and should do is open our hearts and allow imperfection to infiltrate our souls.

We don’t have to be other than who we are in this precious moment. Embrace who you are now—flaws and all. When we accept what we don’t like, we soften, we become humble, and we wait for the next moment to return to our center.

That is true self-love.

~