{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}

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It’s been a week and I’ve hardly heard from him.

I think of our last night together and replay it in my head over and over again. What happened?

We had a great night. We made dinner together as we often did, listened to our favorite music, and danced around the kitchen. When I walked him to the door at the end of the night, he held me tight and kissed me sweetly.

And then everything changed.

I sent a few texts the following day and the responses were generic with no follow up. I sent the last text and haven’t heard from him since.

No texts. No calls.

My mind automatically goes into overdrive. He is pulling away and I don’t know why.

I begin to make excuses for why he is doing it. Work has been really tough on him lately and he is trying to deal with that. Or life is kicking his ass and he is trying to get back on track.

I’m trying to analyze why he is doing it. Does he have an avoidant attachment style? So I began my internet research on how to help fix it. I try to learn everything about what a partner can do to help him through it.

And then I search for reasons within myself for why he is doing it. Did I do something wrong on our last night together? I’m not pretty enough or successful enough? I really beat myself up.

My head is going to explode if I don’t talk to someone.

I called my friend and we plan to meet for coffee the following day. I desperately need her to unload all the sh*t swirling around in my head.

She loves me so much and quickly drops everything to be there for me.

When I see her the following day, I hold her tight, and she doesn’t pull away until I pull away first. She knows I need this hug and she won’t deny me the contact I obviously need.

We sit outside on a crisp fall morning feeling the warm sun shining through the orange and red leaves that are still holding on to the trees displaying the most beautiful foliage.

The coffee comes quickly as we make small talk, but we both know I didn’t call her to talk about the weather or work.

“What’s going on?” She settles into her seat cupping her espresso with wide eyes.

I begin to unleash my current situation. But as the words leave my mouth and I actually hear them out loud, I realize just how insane I sound.

Why am I sitting here driving myself crazy wondering whether he is pulling away or ghosting me? Why am I trying to figure out if he is avoidant or just not that into me? The fact is, it really doesn’t f*cking matter.

I am not his therapist. It’s not my job to dive into whether he is avoidant or if he is just not that into me. The fact is, he is pulling away, and I need to let go of someone who doesn’t want to stay. Regardless of the reasons.

I am wasting my time and energy trying to psychoanalyze him.

I am especially wasting my time and energy waiting around for him. Which I’ve been doing for the past week.

And this wasn’t the first time this has happened with him, so I’m already in a cycle of giving him chance after chance when he decides to come back around again and be present.

A man who is serious about me and sees a future with me will show up for me. Just as my girlfriend dropped everything to be here for me, someone worth being with will do the same.

Even if he has an avoidant attachment style and on the off chance that his attachment issues are truly so severe that he literally can’t communicate with me or show up for me, then I can’t form anything real with him anyway, so regardless, he is not the man for me.

And if he is truly avoidant, and he is truly my person, he will come back and make it clear that he wants to be with me intentionally. And that he is doing the work to make it happen. Not just words but actions.

Him pulling away is not my problem. It’s his. He has his own journey in this life and it’s not my job to analyze the why.

I don’t need to find excuses for him walking away. If he doesn’t want to be there, he should go then. It’s his choice.

I am worthy of love that makes me feel safe, valued, and prioritized.

So I’ll move on quietly.

There is nothing in me that feels the need to wait for a response from him any longer nor is there a need to tell him my decision to move on. He will figure that out when I disappear as if I never existed in his life.

He didn’t have the decency to give me a heads up, so I don’t owe him anything.

After my revelations, I end my breakfast date in the best mood but hurry home because I have one more important thing I need to do.

I look at myself in the mirror and appreciate all that I am. I apologize to the extraordinary woman looking back at me for how mean I was when I blamed her for his actions of pulling away.

It was never my fault nor is it my business whether he is avoidant or just not that into me. It will never f*cking matter. If he pulls away, I will let him go with no questions asked, no excuses, and no one else to blame.

It won’t change who I am or the love I deserve. He just wasn’t the one for me.

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