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We often think of confidence as something you either have or don’t.

For some, it is an innate talent—like those with the CliftonStrength self-assurance, who instinctively trust their own judgment and ability. But, for many others, confidence is a skill that has to be built over time. And here’s the kicker: it’s not built by trying to be someone you’re not.

When most people think about confidence, they picture someone loud, outgoing, always grabbing the spotlight. But that’s only one narrow definition. Confidence isn’t about changing who you are to fit someone else’s mold—it’s about knowing who you are and showing up in a way that feels right to you.

I learned that lesson for myself.

The Confidence Myth

I wasn’t always a confident person. Growing up, I was introverted, quiet, and preferred to stay in the background. I thought that made me less confident. I used to believe that in order to be successful or liked, I had to change. I had to be more outgoing, louder, more visible—like everyone said “confident” people were.

Sound familiar?

This belief is so common, especially among introverts and quieter personalities. The world tells us that confidence looks like extroversion, that to succeed, you have to speak up in every room, network like a pro, and always put yourself out there. But that’s not the only way—and it’s certainly not the right way for everyone.

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room.

It’s about knowing yourself, valuing your strengths, and showing up in ways that matter to you.

What Confidence Really Looks Like

Here’s the truth about confidence: it’s not one-size-fits-all. True confidence is simply understanding who you are, embracing your natural traits, and learning how to use them effectively. For some, confidence means speaking up and commanding attention. For others, it means being thoughtful, strategic, and deliberate with your actions.

Think about it, when was the last time you felt proud of something you accomplished? Was it because you were the loudest voice in the room, or was it because you showed up in a way that worked for you? Confidence doesn’t require you to be someone else. It requires you to lean into who you already are.

How I Built My Confidence

My journey toward confidence didn’t happen overnight. I became a gold-medal-winning collegiate athlete, and I became a yoga teacher. But neither of these things happened because I was “loud” or “extroverted.” They happened because I took the time to understand how I operate best and used that knowledge to push myself forward.

As an athlete, I learned to focus on my strengths, to know what fueled me, and to trust my own process. As a yoga teacher, the same principle applied. Sure, I had to stand in front of a room and teach, but the confidence to do that came from the countless hours I spent preparing, thinking, and refining my skills on my own terms.

Confidence, for me, has always been about finding strength in my own way—not trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t suit me.

Building Confidence Your Way

So, how does this apply to you?

If you’ve been told that confidence means being more extroverted, or that you need to speak up more to be seen, it’s time to rethink that advice. Confidence can absolutely be quiet, thoughtful, and selective. What matters is that it comes from a place of authenticity—knowing your strengths and how to use them.

Here’s where to start: Think about one big achievement from your past. What trait helped you get there? What skill or strength did you lean into that made the difference? Once you pinpoint that, ask yourself how you can use it again as you pursue your next goal. That’s where your confidence will come from—not from trying to be someone you’re not, but from embracing who you are and what you already bring to the table.

True confidence isn’t about fitting into someone else’s idea of what a confident person looks like. It’s about understanding what makes you effective and leaning into that power. You don’t have to follow the advice that tells you to change or show up differently. Confidence is yours, exactly as you are.

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