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Feeling grateful is sometimes hard.

We often hear that we should be grateful for the little things and the little moments. But let’s be honest; that’s not always possible.

During my Buddhist courses in India, I was grateful for every single thing: the space, the community, the monks and nuns, the vegetarian food, the woods, the reflections and realizations, and the whole experience in general.

After 24 days of living in silence amidst the spacious hills of Dharamkot, I waited for a rickshaw at the door of the Buddhist center while holding my camera and backpack. With an undeniable sense of gratitude, I took a deep breath and gazed in admiration at the mountains, thanking the universe for the unparalleled lessons I had learned over there.

While I was smiling and enjoying the view, a passing car drove through a puddle, splashing me (and my belongings) with water from head to toe. I remained calm and collected, but I was disappointed; I did nothing but good deeds during my trip. Look at me now, seriously?

I couldn’t be grateful for that splash of water. Gratitude can be tricky sometimes. We often practice it when life is good and generous. We’re thankful for what’s positive and optimistic and relish in our accomplishments. But when things go south, gratitude feels impractical. Why should we be grateful for the things that are “okay” while deep inside we want something more—something different?

I know that, for some of us, we have trouble feeling grateful because gratitude is a learned behavior that requires lots of practice. It’s not innate. Even when we’re thankful, in the back of our minds we hope to “reap the benefits” of our thankfulness and unconsciously wait for sudden, positive results or change of events.

So, yes, it’s true that at times our capacity for gratitude is small, but the good news is that we can slowly build it up. We can rewire our brains to be happy with what’s present in our lives—even if it’s imperfect, painful, flawed, or undesirable. That’s not to say that gratitude means idleness or acceptance of any form of abuse. It will always be our main responsibility to remove ourselves from any situation that causes us emotional, physical, or mental harm.

Being grateful for what we have simply means that we accept that some things are currently unchangeable—until we can do something about it. And even if those things don’t (or can’t) change, it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the good that’s abundant in our lives—no matter how small it may be.

Gratitude is a spiritual practice that opens our eyes to the beautiful things we tend to neglect. It’s a way of showing appreciation to the universe without being selective.

How do we do that? We need to investigate the reasons that stop us from counting our blessings:

1. Having high expectations. We all know by now that having high expectations can sometimes lead to disappointment. Life doesn’t wait for us to plan and execute because some things are unpredictable and unexpected. When we fail to meet expectations that might have been too high, we naturally feel inclined to be angry or frustrated instead of grateful.

2. Impatience. The negative impacts of being impatient in life are many. Impatience can damage relationships and keep us stuck in agitation and anxiety. When we’re in a constant state of wanting things to move quickly, it’s difficult to be grateful for what’s currently available in our lives. And so we focus on the future and what it might hold for us, losing sight of our real purpose and intention.

3. Emotional baggage from childhood. I know how challenging it is to be grateful when we have unresolved emotional issues taking up space in our subconscious mind. We might have unfinished traumas, detrimental thoughts, or avoidant behaviors that frequently stop us from reaching our full spiritual potential. When we can’t release our emotional baggage, our gratitude slowly lowers over time.

4. Thinking it’s futile. Oftentimes, we don’t practice gratitude because we think that showing it is silly or overrated. We feel as if we’re lying to ourselves when we say we’re grateful because deep inside we know how “ungrateful” we really are. Practicing gratitude might feel meaningless when we have so much going on in our lives.

5. Dwelling on what we don’t have. When we keep thinking about things we don’t have, it becomes hard to be thankful for what we do have. It feels like we’re not moving anywhere in life. If we want to appreciate the positive aspects of our days and develop an optimistic outlook on life, we need to stop dwelling on the things we could be doing or having.

I know gratitude doesn’t feel natural for some of us, but we can train ourselves to become thankful and change our mentality about gratitude. When we show feelings of appreciation, we remember what it’s like to be truly happy, regardless of our hardships.

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