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2024 was definitely the worst year of my life.

It started with postpartum depression, which was debilitating and even disturbing. I spent many months trying to get accustomed to my new routine, new body, and new self. I had to cope with big changes at work, which inevitably forced me to make major life decisions and grieve everything I had lost in the process. The war that lasted for nearly 65 days in Lebanon had a significant negative impact on my anxiety and mental health in general.

I could go on forever.

Looking back at 2024, I wonder how I’ve survived such a bad year. I’m broken, but I’m okay. I’m sad, but I’m okay. I’m disappointed, but I’m okay. Eventually, I’ll be great, not just okay, but will I ever be able to get over the negative events and the messy emotions that have put me down?

I know you’ve been there. Your year might also be filled with loss and anguish and you just want it to end. You want to forget all about your miseries and count down the minutes and seconds until New Year’s day.

We usually look forward to January, the first month of the year, as it brings the hope of fresh starts. I’m more of a December kind of person. I don’t think I can move on without first making peace with what has brought me down.

I won’t sugarcoat my feelings about this year. I won’t say that the next year will be better because it might be worse. The only thing I can do is to not get caught up in my hardships.

I have endured postpartum depression, but I’m not taking it with me.

I have endured an ugly war, but I’m not taking it with me.

I have endured many losses, but I’m not taking them with me.

I have endured many changes, but I’m not taking them with me.

Can we ever get over a bad year?

Maybe we can’t. Maybe 10 years from now we might still remember it. But what’s certain is that we have the choice to look at it differently.

If you’re familiar with Buddhism, you might know the story of Mara and the Buddha. Mara is the demon who tempted the Buddha and tried to stop him from achieving enlightenment. The Buddha faced Mara below the Bodhi tree and emerged triumphant.

In Buddhism, Mara represents the obstacles that we face in our everyday life that continuously disrupt our spiritual path and symbolizes our challenges and weaknesses that cause us so much suffering. Instead of becoming miserable, the Buddha identified them.

He confronted Mara (the Buddha’s fears and vulnerabilities) and attained mastery over his thoughts. Like the Buddha, the only way we can conquer our bad days is to not get caught up in their messiness. Like the Buddha, we can emerge triumphant at the end of every day and every year, no matter how tough it gets.

Mara, the negative pattern of our own thinking, is our precious teacher; it captures the essence of Buddhism. Overcoming Mara is a personal choice and it may not be easy because sitting with our own discomfort is, well, uncomfortable. Even though I haven’t been able yet to completely “befriend” Mara this year, I get to decide what happens next.

I’m ready for 2025, and I will meet every single struggle with presence and humbleness.

~