I have a confession about this piece.

I started it last fall as I watched the trees turn fiery shades of red, pink, and yellow from my picture window. I loved sitting at my desk, a steaming mug of my favorite black tea in hand, watching how the rays of autumn sun illuminated the varying shades of each color on the leaves.

As is the case every fall, I was seeing some version of the quote “the trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go” whenever I opened up Facebook and Instagram. I would cringe because although it is a valuable concept to consider, the quote has reached a point of being cliché.

When the leaves became crisp and it was time to part ways with the tree, some detached and gracefully swayed back and forth through the air, landing gently on the ground. Quite the graceful performance upon exit. Some just crashed to the ground unimpressively.

With the leaves falling, I tried to write something meaningful about letting go and just didn’t get there. I realize now that the issue of finding inspiration had to do with my own unwillingness to let things go. With my own struggle, it was difficult to find the words.

Soon, all the leaves were gone, we got our first snowfall, and it didn’t seem appropriate to write about falling leaves anymore. The change of seasons gave me an excuse to abandon the article since it was no longer timely.

I’m admiring the view again this year, happily holding my “I’m a f*cking ray of sunshine” mug, allowing the steam from the same favorite black tea to fog my glasses and warm my face. I don’t want to give false impressions here as there are still some things I’m clinging to, but this year I’ve loosened my grip.

Cue an episode of Mel Robbins’ podcast, titled “How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You” where she explains why the trees are letting go of the leaves and the significance of that in our lives.

First, a simple explanation of the process, which she summarizes in the episode:

There is a reciprocal relationship between the leaves and the tree. The tree provides the leaves with water so that the leaves can make the nutrients that the tree needs. This keeps them both alive. As the seasons change, the tree can no longer support the leaves with the same amount of water and so pulls back. This causes the leaves to change color, die and detach from the tree.

This process offers us a lesson in the necessity of letting go in our own lives. These are the key takeaways for me:

People and situations can serve a particular purpose during a specific time in our lives.

They may be here for one season or many but not necessarily. As we learn and grow, the person or situation may no longer contribute to our well-being, and it is okay to let go to allow yourself to flourish. There have been relationships along the way that I’ve had to release because as we got older, our goals in life differed. Time spent with them zapped my energy and took time away from what I wanted to be doing. When I finally retreated and gave that energy back to myself, I felt better than I could have imagined.

You start giving energy elsewhere because you are getting energy from elsewhere.

As we move into new situations and connect with new people, we need to be present with them. Your resources aren’t unlimited and so you need to focus them where they’re needed. Once I graduated college, the people I used to see daily were no longer part of my daily life. We supported each other through school, but those relationships changed once we all moved and began working in different fields. We each had to focus our attention on new people and environments, which in turn, supported us.

Goodbyes may be easier if you acknowledge and honor the ways that your life has been impacted.

A ritual or ceremony may be a good option. In the past, I’ve written letters to someone, recounting the lessons I learned with or because of them and what I had gained. Sometimes these things weren’t appropriate to say to the person, so I burned the letter to release those feelings and moved forward from there.

Practice self-compassion.

Feelings of guilt or longing are normal, so being kind to yourself is vital to being successful with change. Going into unfamiliar territory, even if that means nothing changes except for one person not being present, can feel scary at times.

When we think of letting go, we often focus only on what we’re losing. Instead, we can shift our focus to the excitement of new opportunities and the surprise of what’s in store. We can move forward with curiosity and allow space for the new season and connections to grow.

The tree doesn’t question the natural process of letting go; the tree trusts the process and lets go right when it needs to, in order to preserve its own life. Similarly, we can let go with grace and trust the process of renewal and growth.

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