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Two years ago, my husband and I were ready for children.

We had endless talks about it and made many assessments that may determine if we would be a good fit.

For me, children aren’t something that must come with marriage. Having them is a conscious choice that one needs to take consciously and seriously.

We did take that choice consciously and made sure that our relationship was strong enough to withstand it. We also made sure that we weren’t having a child just to fill a certain void in ourselves—or our marriage.

A couple of things determined our readiness for children:

>> We were ready to be transparent and open up about our childhood wounds. We had a strong desire to work together on healing our traumas so we wouldn’t pass them on to our child.

>> We were ready for some changes in our lifestyle.

>> We were ready to give up some freedoms during the first few months.

>> We were ready to spend time with our child and discuss who would work and when and who would stay with the child. 

>> We were ready financially, physically, and mentally.

>> We were ready for the stress we knew we had to handle the first year, especially during the newborn phase.

>> We were ready for the lack of sleep that was imminent.

>> We were ready for the emotional regulation we had to personally work on so we could help our child to build theirs.

>> We were ready to expand the love that we reserved for each other and share it with a new family member.

We asked ourselves lots of questions and had uncomfortable conversations about many things. When we were finally ready, we embarked on the parenthood journey, knowing fully what to expect.

My son will turn 16 months old at the end of this month. And although I’ve been prepared to start a family and embrace all the changes in my (new) life, there’s one thing I haven’t been prepared for: my personal transformation.

No one talks about how a new version of you emerges out of nowhere. How when you give birth to a baby, you die to the past. How when you leave the hospital, you leave your old self there, not knowing you might never see her again.

I experienced postpartum depression for almost a year. The first few months were the most intense, as I couldn’t accept that personal change. I had stepped into a completely new phase, not knowing that I couldn’t take my old habits and patterns with me. I kept resisting my metamorphosis until I had no other choice but to surrender to it.

When I did, I realized how beautifully transformative parenthood is. I embraced every single change and welcomed the “new” me with arms wide open.

I felt good and happy and fulfilled. I felt that I needed that transformation, but I was too scared to delve into it.

Today, I came across a reel on Instagram that beautifully explains how parenthood changes us:

Ryan Holiday says:

 

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A post shared by Parenting Advice and Support (@theparentingroadmap)

“People say that having kids changes you, and he goes that’s not quite right. It’s that having kids should change you. Right. So like if you’re not ready to be changed, that’s one of the things when people ask me to go I’m thinking about having kids, what should I do, and I go like you have to be ready for it to change you, like not only can you not live and organize your life the same way but you’re gonna be opened emotionally, physically, spiritually, in all these ways that if you’re resistant to, because you like the way things were before, you’re not only doing your kids a disservice, but I think you’re doing yourself a disservice cause this is a profound, you know, sort of shift on a human level, and if you’re not ready to be changed by it you’re probably not ready to do it.”

No matter how prepared you think you are, you might never be prepared enough. And even if you think you’re ready for the big, outer changes, you might not be ready for the changes that will occur within you.

Among many other things, be sure that you’re ready for a massive emotional, spiritual, and mental transformation. If you are, then you’re ready to be a parent.

When we step into the river of parenthood, we should be strong enough to go with the flow. If we swim against the current, we will get stuck and remain where we are.

Parenthood, like Holiday says, will open you emotionally and let you rethink everything you think you know about unconditional love. It will mold you and force you to trust the process.

The old me is still at the hospital where I gave birth. Now, 16 months later, I don’t wish to see her again. I have entered a constant state of growth and gained an unparalleled opportunity to heal myself.

Now you tell me, are you ready to embark on the spiritual journey of parenthood?

~