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I know. I know there’s a lot of chatter out there about the inner work, and I understand a lot of people turn their nose up or simply think they have none to do.

There’s also a lot of misconception and toxicity in the spiritual healing and growth world. Some people believe they can’t change. Some people refuse to change. And some have no self-awareness on how their behaviour affects others.

But here’s the thing: we all, and I mean all, have inner work to do. We all have limiting beliefs to change. We all can change. And we all have the ability to emotionally grow.

I never really understood the depth of inner work required to really change your life. Most of us are driven by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of loneliness. Fear of judgement. Fear of change. Fear of not having enough. Fear of being different. Fear we aren’t enough. So we stay in places we have outgrown. We stay in relationships that are unhealthy or that are no longer conducive to happiness. We stay in jobs we dislike or even despise. We look for potential instead of seeing what’s actually in front of us. We tolerate things we shouldn’t. We’re often codependent. We put ourselves in cages and then we wonder why we feel stuck. Stifled. Exhausted. Unmotivated. Confused. Uncertain. Anxious and even scared. And even if we aren’t unhappy, we aren’t exactly happy either.

And let me make it clear: the work is not a quick fix. It’s not just reading a few books, listening to some podcasts, and meditating. They are definitely helpful but they are not the work. The work is challenging. It’s at times confronting. It requires deep honesty and a willingness to dance with your shadows and bring your inner child out of the dark. It’s about opening up that little vault inside you where all the things you couldn’t face are buried. It’s about digging in the messiness and understanding your triggers. Unravelling your belief system. Ensuring you’re living in alignment with your values, and if you’re not, addressing that. It’s about questioning the hard stuff and witnessing how you really feel. It’s about facing your truth head-on and staring fear straight in the face. And it takes time. Effort. Courage. Compassion. Most importantly, it’s ongoing.

I started the really deep work in 2020. I felt broken. Lost. My heart felt like it was shattered and my soul felt like someone had put a knife in it and twisted. I was merely existing, going through the motions. I began changing my life in 2018, and it was tough, but there were moments of beauty, love, joy, and excitement. But come 2020, I felt like I’d been ripped apart. It was dark and messy. I was filled with anxiety and fear. I had no idea who I was anymore. I was a shell of myself.

Those early days of 2020 and the arrival of COVID had me retreating into myself. I didn’t realise at the time that allowing myself to truly feel and spend time alone would be the catalyst for profound change. I didn’t dismiss my feelings. I didn’t distract myself. I didn’t bury the truth or wear a mask pretending I was okay. I didn’t jump into relationships or date, just so I would be validated and wouldn’t be alone.

I sat in my darkness and allowed every painful feeling to wash through me. I journaled. Meditated. Read. And then I booked in to see an amazing therapist, who met me where I was and worked with me to face what needed facing, change what needed changing, and get underneath all the things hiding in my unconscious mind. It was my turning point and one of my greatest gifts.

Five years later, I’m a different woman. A woman who not only knows what it’s like to live alone but who thrives alone. And because of this, I won’t settle. A woman who understands herself better than she ever has. A woman who changed her whole life in her 50s. And whilst I was scared, at times terrified, I managed to not only stare fear down but march straight over the top of it. It’s been hard work, and I’ve had to face lots of upheaval, loss, and grief along the way.

But I’m here in this space. A space I’m truly proud of. With a thriving business as a counsellor. A dedicated crisis counsellor/supervisor for a suicide prevention service. A writer, soon to be author. Surrounded by so much love, friendship, and support. Filled with inspiration, excitement, and abundance.

I think far too many of us live our lives trying to please others. We stay in jobs that are deemed suitable and acceptable or have a high income, even if we are miserable. We focus our attention on material items and chase everything external to make us happy. We stay in relationships because we don’t want to be judged, or for financial reasons, or we’re simply scared to leave. We rely on others to bring us joy and expect others to make us happy. We think keeping the status quo is what’s expected of us.

We are so used to “comfort,” we don’t realise we are not only stifling our growth, but we are dying inside. And we do these things because we’ve been conditioned to do so. Because our belief systems were formed when we were a kid, and some of those beliefs no longer serve us. Because we’re so used to sweeping our sh*t under the rug and distracting ourselves, we never spend the time in solitude to actually feel our truth and meet our shadows. It’s a sad reality that so many people aren’t living their full potential or allowing themselves the time and space to change, heal, and grow.

We shouldn’t be the same person as the years go by. We should want to do the work and see where it takes us. Instead, we’re drinking ourselves to a shorter life. We’re using drugs to escape our reality. We’re masking who we truly are. We’re terrified of being alone, so we flit from one sh*tty relationship to another, or just stay where we shouldn’t. And we remain stuck, never knowing the incredible heights we can achieve. And all this does is contribute to the ever-growing mental health crisis.

There’s real magic in doing the deep inner work. It’s not easy, and if you think you can jump the flight of stairs and reach the top without digging deep, you’re sadly mistaken. All those stairs in between need to be felt, caressed with a gentle compassion. They need to be explored and repaired or at least cleaned. They need to be truly seen with raw honesty. And as you slowly move up those stairs, the previous stair can be let go, but not until the work on that stair is done.

It’s a humbling experience and one that has shown me the veracity of who I am. What I want. What I desire. It guided me toward my purpose. It reignited my passions. It reminded that happiness is found within. It taught me boundaries. It not only showed me love, it brought more love into my life. It expanded my creativity. It highlighted how courageous I am.

It revealed the me I have become, and the magic in that can never be underestimated.

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