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Still trying to “find your person”? That one ride or die connection you can always count on, whether it’s a partner, a spouse, or one good, dear friend?

Why do we continue to look to and for another person to help make us whole? Can’t we be “whole” people on our own? And can’t we own who we are without apology or a sidekick?

It’s time to stop looking. Your person is you.

In committed relationships, many of us crave alone time. There are a few couples I know who don’t do anything without one another in tow, and I find this suspect. It’s nice on some level, but it also seems a bit too…dependent.

The vast majority of my couple friends love a “night off” from being together. In fact, they more than love it—they crave it enough to plan it and then look forward to it.

“I love being in my house, all by myself!” one of my friends said to me the other day. “Am I a bad person?” she asked. No, dear, you are not a “bad person.”

Taking a mini break gives us breathing room, time to recover ourselves, think about just ourselves. It gives us time to enjoy a quiet reprieve away from being part of a concentrated, connected “unit.”

Personally, I need “recovery time” from all the things, which includes being social. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. It’s important to maintain independence inside a relationship or social circle. It helps keep our perspectives and our individuality fresh!

Here are six ways we can accomplish this so called “recovery time.”

1. We can leave the house to grab a cup of coffee in a cozy coffee house with our laptops. We can write, respond to e-mails, surf the net, shop, and so on. We can simply get out of the house and away from our loving partner without a hot plan in place.

2. We can go a step further and plan a whole weekend away—by ourselves! It may feel like a challenge for most, but the “solo flight” (as I call it) can be a rewarding, reflective, and cathartic experience. Book a spa treatment or hit up a yoga class. We can eat dinner in the fancy hotel restaurant by ourselves. Go to bed early! “By ourselves” doesn’t always mean anti-social, it just means making ourselves the sole focus for a change.

3. We can go for a long walk—yes, alone. Sounds boring, but it isn’t. Cap it off with a stop at the library.

4. We can create a reading nook, a she-shed, a man-cave, or a quiet corner—any creative or sanctuary spot to call your own. It’s in this place we can disappear, write, paint, stretch, read important articles, form important opinions, watch a game, or go through our calendars uninterrupted.

5. We can take a class—any class of interest! Committing to a weekly class at a local community college or municipal center gets us out of the house and away from our domestic and relationship responsibilities. It’s always a good idea to expand our intellectual horizons or pursue our curiosity.

6. We can fully declutter our spaces. There’s no better feeling of well-being than a clean, organized life because making our physical spaces comfortable, and editing our “junk” also declutters our minds.

Here are five daily practices to achieve a stronger sense of self.

1. We can trust our own opinions. (And we can change them when hit with facts.)

2. We can go with our gut instincts. (We are usually right about plans or situations that sap our energies).

3. We can practice self reflection. What can we change? What can we do better to orchestrate our own happiness? This article by Elephant Author, Filippo di Lenardo was insightful: Why Self-Awareness is Important if we want to Start Thriving

4. We can say no to anyone who doesn’t serve our spirit. (Keeping a distance isn’t a bad thing.)

5. We can strive for balance and the peace that comes with it. (Feeling forced to give our time and resources negates the giving.)

In order to be “whole,” we need to conduct our life in a way that doesn’t leave us feeling like there is a void, and to be our own person, we certainly don’t need others to fill it. We can meet our own emotional needs. Good read from Leo Babauta: Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant

Having a partner is wonderful, but partners are not extensions of ourselves. They are individuals with their own thoughts, opinions, ideas, and dreams. The “you complete me” philosophy sets us up for relationship failure. It’s not okay to apply all that pressure on our relationships, not with partners and not with our friends. It’s not their job to make us feel content, accomplished, or motivated. Their job is to share and champion our happiness, not supply it.

To that end, when we “find our person,” we essentially find ourselves.

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