{Editor’s Note: the word “narcissist” has become a bit of a buzzword, and some folks are quick to apply it to an ex-lover or family member or friend. While awareness of this concept is healthy, so is remembering that it is, in a mental health context, a serious condition that shouldn’t be applied lightly. In addition, “Stop covering politics,” some of our dear readers cry every time we post something relephant. Look: politics are life. Equal rights, empathy, fair economy, healthcare. We can’t ignore what’s happening, and you shouldn’t either. Disagree? We’re happy to share your experience here. ~ ed.}

Surviving malignant narcissistic abuse is nothing short of wild—and that’s putting it lightly.

At least, that’s how I feel after being removed from the situation for a few years. When I was living it, it was dark, insidious, and nightmarish. Only the nightmare never ended. It was a waking nightmare that continued even when they were no longer physically present, and it lingers on.

Malignant narcissistic abuse is about more than just suffering great loss or enduring trauma. It involves carrying a heavy emotional burden while being relentlessly scrutinized, berated, and dehumanized—whether it’s your character, your demeanor, or your appearance. It is being bullied to the extreme layered on top of suffering a great loss or enduring the trauma that is life itself.

Narcissistic abuse manifests in emotional, mental, and physical forms—and we all witnessed a powerful example of it firsthand.

To give credit where it’s due, we also saw President Volodymyr Zelenskyy demonstrate remarkable mental restraint in the face of such overwhelming grandiosity and senseless bullying, his very own powerful example that exuded grace and humility.

Imagine burying your soldiers and your people after senseless attacks, only to sit in a room filled with people who are more focused on media coverage than on helping. You realize that none of them are your allies—when they should be. They’re busy yelling over you, trying to exert faux dominance for show. They judge you for not wearing a suit, completely oblivious to the significance of the clothes on your body—clothes that should be no one’s business but your own.

Now, imagine suffering the loss of a parent or enduring another heartbreaking event while growing a child within your body or recovering from postpartum or healing from an illness. Then, sitting with the person who’s supposed to be your greatest supporter, only to find them working tirelessly to prevent you from meeting your most basic human needs. Meanwhile, they scrutinize your character, your demeanor, and your appearance. Their priority is to pretend to the outside world that they’re the perfect partner—outraged that you aren’t grateful for their mere existence, no matter how much they make your life unbearable. You try to seek help from others, but you know that no one is truly on your side—when they should be.

What we’ve witnessed in recent events has been pointed to as a prime example of what narcissistic abuse feels like, with many survivors sharing their experiences on social media. And I can tell you that it was a grand display. But what’s even more unsettling is that this display only scratches the surface.

It’s far worse when the cameras are off, when the door closes, and there are no more witnesses.

In my opinion, what we saw could also be a glimpse of how these men behave behind closed doors.

The bittersweet and unsettling truth is that one thing seems certain: abusive narcissism has either become a therapy buzzword over the years, or it’s more prevalent than we realize.

With 50% of our country seemingly supporting the atrocities we’ve witnessed, we can now say that Narcissistic Personality Disorder’s prevalence has been proven.

There are two key takeaways from this:

1. It’s empowering to have an example—right in front of us—of what it looks like when a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) fools the masses. To be able to say, “That right there is what it looks like.”
2. If you or someone you know still looks at this display and says, “Good on our President for standing up for us; we need to shake things up for change,” believing that was at all acceptable, then a NPD diagnosis may be fitting there, as well.

Narcissistic abuse is real. It’s damaging, and it ruins lives.

This isn’t a battle of Narcissists versus Empaths, and I don’t believe it really ever has been. We all have our flaws—none of us are perfect. But what we’re beginning to understand is that a larger portion of us than we’d like to accept may, in fact, be bad people.

What we are witnessing is now The United States of America.

My hope for us as individuals in our own communities, through all of this, is that we can stop giving so many chances to those who don’t deserve them. That we stop trying to find the good in people when doing so costs us our sense of self. That we stop doubting survivors and start truly listening to their experiences.

We need to accept that we can speak until we’re blue in the face and present a platter of logic to people who act like this—and it will always be a waste of time. We can only control our own actions. We can only work on clearing our consciences and supporting our own energy to help ourselves and others.

Even though we witnessed a historical meeting between world leaders that placed the United States on the wrong side of history, knowledge is power. And perhaps, through the lessons that meeting has given us, we can better embrace one another, learning who to trust with less doubt and more discernment.

Most importantly, as I shed light on the parallels between what we’re witnessing in our country and the individual experience of domestic violence, I’m fully aware that there is a comparison to be made, but it’s not a perfect one. It may be a war within the confines of a household, one that creates immense trauma with lasting, ripple effects—but it pales in comparison to the horrors endured by innocent, undeserving human beings in a country at war.

The suffering on a global scale is on a level we cannot truly comprehend unless we’ve witnessed it firsthand.

Yet, one undeniable commonality exists: narcissistic abuse distorts your perception of reality, and it makes you question your very worth. You begin to believe that you are too sensitive, that somehow you must have done something to deserve the treatment.

But, imagine applying that same logic to President Zelensky. Imagine believing that he deserved the senseless bullying and abuse that he’s been forced to endure, simply because of the immense power and cruelty directed his way. Of course, you know that’s not true.

No one deserves to be subjected to such degrading behavior.

Now, take that same realization and carry it with you. Recognize that the voice telling you you’re not enough, that you somehow deserve the mistreatment, is a lie. It’s a lie meant to erode your self-worth and keep you trapped in a cycle of doubt and shame.

Just as you would stand against the idea that anyone, like President Zelensky, deserves such treatment, stand against the false narrative inside yourself.

Allow yourself to scoop up that affirmation, that truth that you are worthy of kindness, respect, and dignity, and use it to fuel your resilience and your resistance. Empower yourself for what lies ahead—because even in the darkest of times, beauty can still be found. It might not always be in the places you expect, but it’s there. Look for it. Hold onto it. And let it guide you forward, one step at a time.
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