Loneliness is such a devastating condition.

I am not just talking about the isolation that too often happens with old age, although that can definitely be a part of it. I am referring to the feeling of not being seen or heard, even when surrounded by family, friends, and acquaintances.

You walk into a room and no one acknowledges your presence.

You speak and are either met with silence or worse, your words are disregarded as irrelevant or are completely misunderstood.

You turn away as tears threaten to run down your cheeks, not wanting anyone to know how deeply you felt the sting of dismissal.

It can happen in the middle of a family discussion over dinner or in the middle of a political conversation while sharing coffee with friends.

The loneliness of feeling invisible and irrelevant can make you want to fade away or become like the famous Homer Simpson cartoon scene where he silently backs into the bushes until it appears like he was never there.

More than likely, it is not being done to you on purpose. Your children probably don’t even realize they are discounting you and your friends surely don’t intend to discard you. And calling their attention to it can be perceived as just whining and feeling sorry for yourself.

So, what is a lonely, invisible person supposed to do?

Speak louder? Wave your hands in exaggerated gestures? Or follow the extreme inclination to truly isolate yourself? And why not? No one is paying attention anyway.

As I sit here wallowing in my own self pity, I start to wonder if it is all in my imagination or if my existence really has become unnecessary.

Is there something that can be done about this without creating a situation that has your tribe going, “ Oh brother! Here she goes again overreacting and being dramatic”?

Probably not.

The truth is, we all feel this way a lot more than we care to admit.

In a recent conversation with my son-in-law, I was lamenting the fact that my grandkids don’t listen to me. His response was “Why do you think I go out and do stand up comedy once a week? I have a captive audience there!”

It has become so easy to turn a deaf ear. There is so much noise and everyone has an opinion or a complaint, and it has all become just too much.

We are overwhelmed with too much news and social media content on the state of the world. We are stressed over the price of eggs—even if we don’t eat them—and our concern over the economy. We worry about the future we are creating for our children.

And sometimes, it is easier to shut down.

We can’t handle grandma sharing her latest aches and pains. So we ignore her.

We don’t have the brain capacity left to listen to our grown children share how stressed they are that their co-workers are being fired. So we walk away in the middle of the conversation.

We can’t possibly understand the relevance of our grandkids emotional breakdown because their devices have stopped working. So we turn the TV up louder.

We certainly don’t have the energy to commiserate with our friend over their failing relationship. So we just have another drink and zone out.

And we absolutely don’t have the tolerance to take part in another conversation with our neighbor about how the whole world is going to crap because of our government. What can he possibly know? He voted for the other guy, right? So we build a higher fence.

We all share responsibility in creating this loneliness epidemic and there is no vaccine (yet) that will cure it.

But we can take a scientific approach to this problem. I know belief in science is not super popular right now but hear me out.

Let’s try an experiment.

Let’s learn how to actively listen to each other. Maybe even throw in some compassion and empathy too. Instead of shutting down, zoning out, or walking away, let’s devote our whole attention to what is being said to us and around us. Let’s truly listen with the intent of understanding. Even if the subject is something we disagree with or have no interest in. Let’s ignore our own ongoing mental dialogue and tune it to what is being shared with us.

Let’s not prematurely decide the conversation isn’t relevant to our own small world. The words being said are important, on some level, to the person speaking them. They deserve to be heard.

We all deserve to be heard. We don’t have to agree. We don’t have to change our or their minds. We don’t have to convince the other we are right and they are wrong.

We don’t have to commit to anything except the promise that we will take those few minutes to truly hear what the other person is sharing.

And once you have listened, then find a way to convey that you have heard. A simple “I hear you” or “I never thought of it that way” or maybe, if you truly mean it, “How can I help?” An offer to continue the conversation after you have given it more thought or a simple smile or hug can also go a long way.

Listening doesn’t cost us anything. But the benefits of being heard and feeling seen, on the other hand, are immeasurable.

How will we know if our experiment worked? If we’re truly listening, we will know.

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