Venus, the planet of love relationships and desire is in retrograde from July 25th until September 6th and during the middle of this period is when we will feel its powerful effects the most.

The energy from the retrograde is dramatically bombarding and shining its brilliantly clear light on our romantic relationships as Venus causes us to go through a period of painful awakening and one of deep inner reflection.

To say relationships are going to be “struggling” right now would be wishful thinking and a huge understatement. Relationships are going to hell and back right now—the truth is that this is what Venus retrograde is here to do to relationships. It spins them around and shakes them up and then hangs everything out to dry.

However, this need not be a negative thing. Sometimes we turn blind eyes to things we really should be taking notice of and we compromise ourselves way beyond what feels comfortable in order to make love work and to make others happy. The good thing about Venus retrograde though, is that it makes us look inwards rather than outwards. Instead of blaming others for what is taking place in our lives, we can begin to take responsibility for our own role in who and what we have chosen to surround ourselves with.

During the next few weeks we will start to notice that we are constantly triggered to respond to things in ways we do not feel proud of. We will also notice repeated lessons returning over and again to teach us a few things we need to know and remember, so that we can move forward with our lives. Familiar patterns will play out and some days will feel like Groundhog Day or we will get that feeling of deja vu—we know we have been here before many times.

So what is it that we need to do to make essential changes?

The vital parts that we need to change are the parts within ourselves. It’s all well and good focusing the light on other people’s flaws and imperfections, when realistically, what really is happening is that we have to become accountable and take responsibility for ourselves and the parts we play in creating our circumstances.

Rather than role-playing with other people and taking on the position of a victim, we need to step aside and take a close and long, hard look at where we stand in the dynamic. Do we lead the dance, or do we follow? Are we reacting or are we the ones causing the reaction? Is the dance equal and balanced with both parties stepping in time—or is it clumsy and filled with mistakes?

It is very likely during the first few weeks of the retrograde we will be tempted to criticize, accuse and place the ownership on everyone else. It isn’t pleasant to accept that we may have been the ones who are responsible for causing some of the drama and heartache that has been taking place. We definitely are not entirely guilty, but neither are we completely innocent.

The relationships that we are involved in are there because at whatever level we have chose them. So, when we are suffering, we also have to remember that we have control over whom we want and what we want in our lives, not the other way around. I’m not saying to quit at the first sign of trouble or that we are the ones responsible for other people’s behavior, but what I am saying is that we have the power to change our perception of how we see and feel things—and we have the option of controlling our reactions. We also have the decision to stay or leave; even though that is sometimes a complex and extremely difficult decision—it is ours to make.

Romantic relationships are not always easy; they are often our greatest teachers. Now is the time to learn some of the valuable lessons we really need to know—if we don’t they will return to haunt us again and again until we do!

It’s time to be brave, to look, to listen, to feel, to open up and to breathe into it all, absorb it and really notice how it all feels.

We have the answers. It is just not always easy to face up to them. However, they are there, waiting patiently, nudging us and causing us problems until we are ready to hear them.

It is time to take an in-depth review and spend time contemplating where, why and how we are going wrong. Now is our chance to look at the blueprint of our love life so we can trace the lines, connect the bumps, view the obstacles and figure out what’s causing the problems and difficulties. Also, we must try do this without feeling the temptation to blame anyone else.

We may be shocked by what we discover. Instead of looking down narrow lanes, a colorful landscape will open up to us. A kaleidoscope will take the place of rose tints as we begin to see things from all angles, not just our own.

Ultimately, even though this can seem a heavy period and loaded with negativity, it really is quite the opposite. Venus retrograde is an opportunity to shape up our relationships, a time for transition where we can make the changes we need to make—if not for our lovers, for ourselves. The place that we are traveling through now is a rocky, sometimes crumbling and treacherous path. We will stumble and fall and return to standing many times over. Each time we do there is a hidden lesson under a rock just waiting to be uncovered.

The time is here to open our eyes, to take off the masks, to reveal the truth and to let go of the illusions that have become our comfort zone that we cling to for far too long. If we choose to ignore what we are being called to look at, we can guarantee that all these lessons will be repeated many times over. But each one will be more frustrating and more painful, until we finally decide to face it head on.

Although this is a challenging time, there is no need to feel fear, guilt or have regrets. All that is needed is plenty of forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and a heap of unconditional love for ourselves and for those we love, so that we can see things through to the end. When we are armed with these things, with the strength and insight of a warrior, we can safely and carefully destruct what we have, so we can firmly, solidly and permanently reconstruct a new foundation that will prove to be undoubtedly for the better.

Whether we choose to go it alone or remain together is up to us. When we trust our intuition, listen to our inner guidance and carefully gather all of the available information, we will be fully informed to make that decision about the future of our intimate relationship.

It is always advisable to wait until after the retrograde to make any major decisions. Once Venus has finished throwing its energetic dust at us, we will have the ability to see things with clarity and much differently than we do now.

For now, it is wiser to bite down hard on our tongues, pay attention, stay alert and try with all our might not to be pulled towards interactions that will be deliberately trying to cause us to react. Stay present, breathe deeply, count to 10 (or more) and if possible wait, Venus retrograde will soon be over, and as it nears the end, things will begin to calm down. Although our patience will be pushed to the extreme and continuously tested, this will be a great package of lessons we still need to learn.

We will come out of the retrograde a slightly different person to the one we were when it started, and it is very likely we will see others around us differently too. It can all be positive, and all for the better, if we are willing to succumb to it and let Venus teach us what Venus knows best.

Relephant Reads:

Venus—Goddess of Love & War—In Retrograde: July 25th–Sept 8th

Bonus: Finding a new kind of love:

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Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Image: Flickr/Ierdnall