The idea that you can love a friend or family member while simultaneously needing to step back from the relationship used to be a foreign concept to me.

Then I had to shift some relationships as I became more connected with my own Soul and more authentically me.

A few years ago, I fully admitted to myself how far apart I had grown from a certain friend (let’s call her Claire). It made my heart so sad to accept that we weren’t close anymore.

But the reality was that I was changing. I was growing and becoming my authentic self. I was shedding my old limiting thoughts, beliefs and patterns.

I was embracing my honest desires, becoming more focused on love, spirituality, positivity, energy and simple living. Yet Claire remained bogged down in negative thoughts, anxious behaviors and fear-based beliefs.

While we used to walk alongside each other down the same path, it was clear that our Souls’ journeys were diverging. There was a fork in the road and the space between our paths was getting wider and wider.

Suddenly, I understood what it meant to say: “I love you, but I have to let you go.”

I still loved Claire. I wasn’t angry or upset with her. I wanted nothing but happiness for her. I had years of fond memories with her, and I missed how close we used to be.

I didn’t want to stop being friends with her. And I definitely didn’t wish to never see her again.

But I was energetically drained, exhausted and even edgy each time I hung up the phone or said goodbye after a get-together. I knew my Soul was telling me it was time to move on.

So I did what I always do when I’m feeling conflicting emotions—I wrote in my journal. And what came out as I put pen to paper was a truly healing moment.

I wrote an obituary for my friendship with Claire:

“It is with great sadness, respect for the deep connection we used to share and the memories we made that I fully acknowledge, admit and accept that Claire and I aren’t close friends anymore. Claire has to follow her own Soul’s journey, and I have to follow mine. I wish her well and hope she experiences much love throughout her life.”

By recognizing and admitting that my friendship with Claire had changed, I was able to remain friends with her, without begrudging the fact that we weren’t as close as we used to be.

Here are some things you can do if you’re evolving but your friends or family members aren’t growing with you.

1. Be honest with yourself. Admit your true feelings and reactions to spending time with each of your friends and family members.

2. Take a symbolic step back from any relationship that may be causing you frustration. That could mean you reach out less to your friend, you share less personal information with her or you do activities in groups instead of one-on-one, for example.

3. Understand that establishing a new dynamic takes time. Each person will respond differently as you change how you interact with her, so expect some resistance (and if you don’t get any, consider it a bonus!).

4. Be gentle with yourself. It’s no easy feat to untangle yourself from people you’ve been deeply connected to for any length of time. I took a sloooow path (read: years) to fully process the reality that I no longer related to Claire like I used to. Know that it’s okay to take your time in accepting the change.

5. Grieve your loss. Even if you’re happier when you’re not around certain friends or family members, you’re still likely to feel some sadness or grief. Accept that your relationships are transforming and truly feel any emotions that organically arise as you move through those changes.

Now let me be clear—I’m not advocating that you callously dump your relationships on the side of the road.

I’m still friends with Claire; I’m just not nearly as emotionally or energetically invested in the relationship as I was before.

Essentially, it’s about changing the level and type of energy you bring to the relationship.

And it’s about letting go of the limiting thought that if you deeply connect with someone once, then you must always maintain that same level of connection with them. Because the thing is, we don’t all grow at the same pace. And you simply can’t take everyone with you on your Soul’s journey. You can wish others well, but you have to keep walking down your own path.

The good news is that as you clear out the negativity caused by friends and family members who are out of sync with your energy, you’ll be making space for new and more aligned friends in your life.

Relephant Read:

From Empath to Lightworker: How to Transmute Energy.

Author: Dina Overland

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Alena Navarro-Whyte/Flickr