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*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

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“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.” ~ Havelock Ellis

Do you think about sex all the time?

Walk around dreaming up scenarios of how, with whom, how often?

Do you get asked: “Is sex all you ever think about?” Is your answer “Pretty much!”?

The good news is that’s okay, and you don’t need to feel bad about it. A healthy sexual appetite is nothing to hide under the covers about.

For the record, a true sex addiction, which is legitimately concerning and should be addressed, is not the same thing as being horny twenty-four-seven.

After years of feeling like something was wrong with me, and enduring endless comments suggesting I change, I’ve realized that not honoring our individuality is self-abuse.

The socially-conditioned opinion that if you’re a horny, sex cravin’ love-kitten, you couldn’t possibly be intelligent or have anything else going on may be difficult to erase, but it has to begin with how we view ourselves.

The truth is, some of us are wired to be this way—Just as some of us are wired otherwise.

I fall into the “sex all the time” category; a friend or two of mine want nothing to do with it; others are somewhere in between on the sex-kitten Richter scale.

Point being: honor where you are in your human experience. Change if you wish to or need to but, above all, honor your authenticity.

And don’t take any of that ridiculous spiritual advice that you’re stuck in your lower chakras if you’re that horny, and that when you ascend to the higher ones, you won’t need sex as much; that somehow a robust sexual appetite makes you less spiritually evolved. Because that’s just spiritual elitism—and, in my humble opinion, bullsh*t.

After meditating, stretching myself into countless yoga poses and filling myself up on spiritual manna…guess what? I’m still f*cking horny! I’m not any less enlightened because my body has natural urges.

Yes, we sex-all-day-long people do have other pursuits, we can string together a sentence or two, and some of us might even be bloody brilliant. But, given half a minute, we will drift off to love-kitten fantasyland. It’s the way we’re made.

Maybe it’s The Hormones

Hormones are responsible for all kinds of physical/mental/emotional manifestations…just ask any menstruating, pregnant, or menopausal woman. Or any woman for that matter. This goes for men as well. We all have our natural flow.

This becomes obvious in conversation with women who will tell you that there are specific times of the month when sex is a code just-get-me-laid priority. Other times, keep your hands to yourself. Many women say that they have never been hornier than when they were pregnant, to the delight of their partners.

And contrary to popular propaganda, menopausal women are not only not done with all that; they are entering a sexual renaissance. I’ve seen it time and time again while counseling women on their nutritional health and how hormone levels determined their carnal needs, or lack thereof.

It’s a deep-seated, age-old conditioning that has women convinced of their bad girl status if they freely express their sexuality.

Sex is not any less a sacred activity than praying. Your body is no less important than your soul. Sex and spirituality are on an equal plane, and people who can view auras will tell you that during times of sexual contact, auras merge, and we experience each other both physically and spiritually.

A mindful life includes honoring all facets of our being.

“Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, actually, because it leads us to self-knowledge.” ~ Alice Walker

Maybe it’s in The Stars

Sun signs and other astrological influences can have a significant effect on sexual appetite. We are all as individual as snowflakes, so there’s no point in comparing ourselves to someone else’s sexuality.

Using myself as an example, I’m a Scorpio, and Scorpio rules the sexual organs. But before I knew anything about my astrological sign, I already knew that I was much more sexually inclined than most of my friends. Knowing my sign’s influence helps me to understand natural forces at play.

The most important take away for me from all that is that I don’t need to fight what is real for me. I can accept myself as-is and use my knowledge about my sign to create the life I wish to lead.

I’m used to people saying, “Oh! You’re a Scorpio. That explains it”. And to some degree, it does and I am fine with everything that my sun sign reveals to me. But it does not mean that I allow it to box me into a specific behavior. I can be as wanton or as puritan as I wish to be in my Scorpio-ness. That is up to me and there is no need to justify.

Each sign has a unique sensual expression of itself. Exploring that sensuality is a sacred activity.

Maybe We Don’t Need a Reason at All

Sexuality is like any other form of self-expression or art.

To subdue ourselves for the needs of society or someone’s opinion is a denial of our creativity.

That’s right, sexuality is creativity expressed. Some of us dance, some of us sing, some of us…you know. Is that irreverent?

I think not. I think that we’re just fine with being horny, sex cravin’, love-kittens.

Sex, like any other activity we engage in, can be one of the most mindful moments of one’s day. It can be grounding and profoundly spiritual. Once a week or three times a day, if it’s an honest reflection of our inner selves, it’s beautiful.

I’m writing this specifically about those if us who find creative freedom through sex, but really, this can be extrapolated to any human condition. No matter how we manifest our individuality—it could be tattoos, piercings, the way we dress, the activities we enjoy, who we love—it should be live and let live: peaceably, respectfully and with a mindful adherence to embracing our true colors.

“The greatest feminists have also been the greatest lovers. I’m thinking not only of Mary Wollstonecraft and her daughter Mary Shelley, but of Anais Nin, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and of course Sappho. You cannot divide creative juices from human juices. And as long as juicy women are equated with bad women, we will err on the side of being bad.”  ~ Erica Jong

Bonus video:

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Author: Monika Carless

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Image: Wikimedia