~

Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.

~

We’ve all been there, right? We’ve fallen for men who can’t commit and pursued “temporary” relationships with them.

I’ll lay my cards on the table—I have been with men who can’t commit for as far as I can remember. Basically, I tend to fall for the same type of man. Looking back at my past, the differences between my exes are few—they share plenty of similarities that constantly attract me.

The women who have been through the same types of ordeals as I have are innumerable. I think I’ve heard the words “fear of commitment” more than a thousand times in my lifetime.

Sometimes, “fear of commitment” simply comes as an excuse to not enter a relationship with a woman that a man doesn’t like. However, this fear truly exists within certain men.

Men fear commitment, because they fear being tied down.

Commitment means settling down. To settle down basically means to refrain from having crazy adventures, wild sex with different women and getting drunk with the male buddies.

Furthermore, most men don’t commit because commitment takes responsibility, loyalty and compromise—three qualities men aren’t ready to establish. In conclusion, to not commit to a woman is the ultimate freedom for a man.

This fear of commitment is spreading among men faster than ever. Having pursued relationships with some, I can say that these men are capable of giving and genuinely loving—but only to a certain extent.

Despite the loving and commitment those men show at the beginning, there are certain behaviors that unveil the truth. Men who can’t commit demonstrate a certain pattern that shows their unavailability.

The patterns differ from one man to another. Nonetheless, they all meet at the same point.

The ironic part is that women can see it.

Besides being able to decode the mannerisms that these men exude, we can also feel that something is wrong.

Even though we see it, unmistakably sense it and can anticipate the calamity—we move forward anyway.

We move forward with that man, who seems to be ready to take us to the moon and back. But, why?

Why are women allowing themselves to fall for men who obviously can’t commit to them?

Women by nature are givers, peacemakers and nurturers. Motherhood has been granted to us, and we are blessed with the power of change, caring and loving.

We fall for men who can’t commit, for we are certain that we can break the walls these men have built in order to protect themselves.

We are confident that we can keep them with the powers of change and nurturing that we have been granted.

On the conscious level, we most likely don’t realize it. We might even know, but don’t want to admit it. Women are unconsciously falling for this kind of man, because they believe they can change them, from a non-committed man to a committed man.

We utterly believe, that with the correct steps, we can destroy this man’s fears and claim him ours.

We trust ourselves and believe it is going to work out, as we are perfectly capable of dealing with their biggest problems.

We give them space. We spice up their sexual life. We don’t pressure them. We never bring up the subject of commitment. Yet, we read magazines with the headline “How to make him commit,” and we try apply every trick that is out there.

Although we place our hearts in peril, we often convince ourselves that it’s thoroughly “okay” if it doesn’t work out. It is just another relationship that ended. Moreover, we are not really losing anything, if we knowingly pursued a relationship with a man who doesn’t want commitment.

Then, we pinch ourselves when it stops working out.

The extent of the love these men can reach has come to fruition.

The warning sound that has been playing in our heads all along is louder than ever.

In my estimation, our unconsciousness takes the wheel when we meet a man who is “temporarily” available.

I think the solution for this problematic issue is within the hands of us woman. As strong, confident women, we shouldn’t allow ourselves to invest in something that will bear no fruit.

There are men out there who are dying to commit, as much as there are those men who run away from commitment. The inclination of wanting to change a man into the “right one” is a tempting one. This is why we constantly fall into it.

But trust me—to be with a man, who you don’t have to try to change, is way more comfortable and pleasing. It tastes like heaven to be with a man who knows what he wants and where he is going.

I have learned the hard way to pay close attention to a man’s behavior at the beginning. If you see any signs of future unavailability, or you feel that something is wrong, cut the chains from the start.

Women, work on yourselves. Work on changing the world—but don’t pend energy and time on changing a man.

You will be loved. We all will be.

Relephant Bonus:

.

Relephant:

Why is Trying to get Commitment such a Pain in the A**? 

Author: Elyane Youssef

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Photo: WikiMedia Commons