We need more than just sexy time—we need languid naked time.

Sex is far more than the physical act. After the orgasm, the best part is that naked time in one another’s arms and somehow that gets lost as the relationship progresses. Isn’t it funny how it always seemed readily available in the beginning? Where did it go and, more importantly, how do we get it back?

Remember the days when we were first in love—before marriage, before children. Remember those Sunday afternoons, snowy days and summer nights we spent in bed naked, spooning after making love, lingering in one another’s arms, telling stories, watching movies and making love again. We were in no hurry to get dressed. In fact we didn’t want to, those were our naked days at home.

And then something changed.

Making love turned into having sex—just the act without spiritual or intellectual connection. It’s not that we stopped caring or didn’t want it. The frenetic pace of everyday life got in the way and we forgot how to reclaim that naked time.

By naked time, I don’t just mean the absence of clothes. I am referring to that uninhibited space where we candidly speak our minds and don’t feel rushed to complete what we have to say.

In the beginning of a relationship, we consider this the getting to know one another phase. After time, as we grow accustomed to each others patterns and idiosyncrasies, we think we know it all, but there is so much more to explore.

While a quickie is fun every now and then, when it becomes the norm, we miss out on experiencing a closeness that even the best sexual chemistry can bring. And it is that sharing of thoughts, views and even just stillness together that accentuates an already dynamic physical connection.

Lately, I feel my love-making sessions have turned to plain old sex and it’s frustrating.

It’s not that my boyfriend desires me less, it’s just that as years have passed his idea of intimate time is squeezed into a 20-minute space after work and before tennis or a night out. Just as I start to unwind and enjoy what feels like the post-coitus buzz, he is getting dressed for the next activity. It is not enough for me but he just can’t understand why I don’t think our 10 minutes of intimacy are romantic and I just want it on a night when we have a few hours to ourselves. I want my time with him to feel more than a brief interlude with my vibrator.

That’s when I decided  to get creative.

Allowing time for a quickie just wasn’t enough for me and I needed to reclaim our naked time so I asked him to schedule in a full night or afternoon just for us. I told him we were having a date night, meeting friends or doing something that required more than just those 20 minutes that had become his typical time allotment for sex.

When he got really inquisitive about what we were doing and why he couldn’t do something later, I said to not ruin the surprise. He went along with it, at first with some resistance, but once he saw what I had planned, he didn’t have any problems acquiescing to my seduction.

Here are some tips to create the mood:

Schedule more than an hour block.

Create a romantic environment. That can be as simple as wearing fun lingerie or barely nothing at all, light a candle, put on some music.

After making love do not get dressed for at least 30 minutes or more.

Choose a time of day when both of you are not tired.

Don’t plan anything immediately afterwards.

Part of the fun of making love in the beginning was getting to know each other, but as familiarness sets in that naked time does not seem as important, so we need to get creative about making naked more than being without clothes again.

~

Author: Jane CoCo Cowles

Image: James Lee/Flickr

Editors: Katarina Tavčar; Caitlin Oriel