You are going to want to take notes because this is a dissertation on the fundamentals of romantic relationships from the perspective of me—a psychic relationship specialist.

First, I feel like such an asshole throwing out that title, because being a relationship specialist does not mean being perfect. So now that we’ve gotten that straight, let’s get to the dirty little secret.

This is a two-part deal. The first part of the secret is that if you get into a relationship you will get an STD—a spiritually transmitted disease. It is next to impossible to be in a relationship and remain unadulterated. The universe is one giant vibrator. Everything is made of frequency. The miracle of the human body is that it is an instrument that can tune to a variety of frequencies.

Peace is the highest vibration, with love as a close second. When two people fall in love, they fall out of peace because their harmony is predicated on the common, but hardly acknowledged, point of view that you have to give up your choices in order to “have” a relationship.

How often have you heard it said that relationships are a sacrifice? There is a psychological rule book that consists of cultural norms. It sounds like:

“Don’t worry, you will find a good man.” 

“So who are you dating?”

“Now that you are engaged, when is the wedding?”

“Now that you are married, are you going to have kids?”

“Now that you have your first kid, are you going to have more?”

“Now that you have a job are you planning for retirement, buying a home, getting a hybrid or planning for the future?”

These questions are the vehicles that transmit STDs, because rather than truly relating to the essence of your partner and rather than being patient with the pace of their evolution, we try to make it into something else. We decide ahead of time that our happiness is predicated on an outcome. This thought pattern is how the disease spreads.

The relationship then becomes a vehicle that traverses the course of unconscious compulsions. It is only after two people have hurt each other beyond repair that the light breaks through. A broken heart is the result of light pushing through the shadow. Most of us need to be broken open. It is a place of grace where the blind begin to see.

The second part of the secret is that we have all settled for this kind of relationship, and in doing so have come to hate relationships. But we lie to ourselves about that. We make the best of a bad thing. In fact, many of us go beyond that and start coveting the status of being “in a couple” just like an addict who fiends for his next fix. The STD then becomes fixated through the common syncopated energy of, “If they would only change, then I could be happy.” This can also sound like, “I’m not good enough, and I need to change my external reality to be worthy of love.” Hence, plastic surgery, lip augmentation, fake boobs, Viagra and chronic cleanses.

So, in case you don’t quite get it, the secret is that we are perpetuating pain through lying to ourselves about how to get what we think we want.

You are not here on earth to be fulfilled, but rather to fulfill a purpose. In other words, life is not just about being blissed out. As far as I can tell, the treatment for relational and emotional STDs is waking up.

Let there be no pretention or pretending in this process. I hear the voices of thought leaders telling everyone what to do, hosting courses on how to be happy, and essentially selling people back to themselves.

You are sovereign. It brings me to tears to say that so clearly. Your worth and authority are as fragile as what you think about them. The invitation stands to do relationships differently and heal the collective STDs of anxiety, depression, co-dependence, self-flagellation and the evisceration of personal power in service of creating something that is degrading instead of inspiring.

We all have to learn what not to do first. So, be merciful with yourself. It takes years of practice to master life.

Simply, relationships are an alchemical process where two people come together and create something new. If the thing that is created continues to support the long and arduous process of self-realization, then it is worth engaging in. But, if you feel like sh*t about yourself because of your relationship, chances are you are riddled with STDs and the only cure, in this moment, is to choose something different—break your heart open.

In closing, true love is our birthright. Well-being is a journey. And owning our choices cures our collective STDs.

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Author: Rebekah McClaskey

Image: Pexels, Flickr/Michele B

Editors: Travis May; Yoli Ramazzina