Calling B/S on “Why men can’t handle strong women”

I’ve seen it, heard it and now am over it… There are a few things I wanna say about this sentence.

1. Big f*cking generalisation:
So you have attracted a few men in your life that couldn’t handle you and now you generalise that ‘men’ can’t handle you? A few men you have been with are hardly a true representation of all men out there. In fact, I’ve had the privilege of meeting really beautiful, amazing and grounded men out there…So a bit of a reality check is urgently needed here…

2. Your definition of ‘Strong women’.
If by this you mean women who have been hurt in the past by their father or men in their life, and now feeling like they have to ‘shut down’ their heart, put on an armour and start treating men like they are inferior, that they need to ‘emasculate’ men to feel safe… those are not ’STRONG’ women, they are ‘HURT’ women.

“Strong women” that I’ve seen are those who are deeply connected to their heart, embrace vulnerability, recognise the need to heal their wounds, walk their path, raise their voice, tap into their inner power, consciously, and are emotionally, sexually & spiritually awakened… They treat men as equal, as unique and as an individual… Those are the women I look up to and are greatly inspired by.

It takes a grown up, courageous and bold woman to open her heart for love, for vulnerability, to surrender, to trust, to have deep compassion, to deeply and fiercely love…

3. Unrealistic expectations

These expectations that men have to ‘show up’ a certain way to be accepted, approved, loved, respected etc – are what keep you trapped because you stop looking at the good stuff they bring to the table, you stop appreciating them for who they are. Instead, you project your own sh*t that you experienced in the past on them. When you see men as “not good enough” for you, it’s just a mirror reflection of your issues around “being unworthy & not good enough”

If you want men to love, appreciate, treat you with respect, worship and honour you, ask yourself – Do you do that for them?
You want men to treat you as a Queen, do you honour them as a King? It’s not about who is more superior, better, stronger, it’s about equality. Stop treating men as the enemy, invite them to be your ally.

4. Bypassing your opportunity to grow, learn & evolve.
By externalising that ‘men’ can’t handle you, you choose to see that it’s their fault, their responsibility and in turn you bypass your opportunity to grow, learn and evolve.

Sure, some men are not as conscious or evolved…
Sure, there are men out there who still need to grow up … (in fact, we all do need to grow & evolve)
Sure, the men you’ve attracted may have not been the perfect fit for you.

But at some level, you consciously and unconsciously attract them. Their vibration matched your vibration. Their patterns matched yours and they were simply a mirror reflection of the sh*t you have not dealt with.

So stop the blame game, grow up and start dealing with your sh*t.

If you keep attracting the guys that can’t handle you, maybe unconsciously you are not ready for those that can.
Because they simply won’t put up with your sh*t. It’s easier to blame, criticise and judge instead of taking personal responsibility.

Maybe it’s YOU who can’t handle them.

5. Your definition of ‘handling’

This whole ‘handling’ thing is not what a relationship is supposed to be. If in your definition, ‘handling’ is about putting up with your unhealthy masculine, aggression, anger, yelling, blaming, criticising, victimising…it’s the wrong type of relationship to even begin with. If this is your intention for a relationship, I’m sorry to say that it won’t last.
“I want a man who is not afraid to challenge me and put me back in my place” – If a man feels like has to constantly respond to this ‘challenge’, it’s understandable that he might think “f*ck it, it’s all too hard!” You’re not a 2 year old who constantly needs discipline…so stop acting like one!!!

There are conscious and more evolved men who have better things to do than ‘handle’ you. They would rather focus on their life, purpose and serving their beautiful woman that is not always ‘complaining and yelling’ all the time. Sure, relationships have their own ups and downs, that’s a given…But in those moments of challenge, it comes down to how you handle your emotions, feelings, how you deal with conflicts etc. that determine the level of happiness in a relationship.

These men focus their love, energy and attention on women who treat them as equal, who appreciate and cherish them as much as they honour their women.

6. Don’t ask/request men to give you what you are not willing to give to yourself.

Men don’t owe you anything, so stop acting like they do. You owe it to yourself to heal these wounds, to love yourself, cherish yourself, honour yourself…before you ask or request that of any man. Period!!!

7. What you focus on you attract.
What you constantly focus on, you attract. If you keep focusing on the wounds, you’ll attract more of those. If you keep focusing on men who break your heart, men who are immature, unconscious, irresponsible, you’ll attract more of those. So stop blaming men, start looking at your internal dialogues, patterns and behaviours. You CHOOSE your reality.

Men are just human too…Allow them to make mistakes, cry, feel share, to not have their sh*t together, to not always be your rock…

My journey to heal my inner Masculine & Feminine has shifted my perspective around men and women…in fact, it allows more self compassion, self love and self honouring…which also means that I can allow others to do the same for themselves…

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