March 12, 2018

Releasing the Shame of Asking for Money.

0 Boost Score Emily Ameara Mclennan (1,510,185)

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Why do we think that changing the world is a selfless act?

In creating the world we want, we must be supported and be able to survive in the process.

When we hold space for others to grow and be healed, we deserve to be paid. Shame has been associated with making money from providing our service. We worry that we’re taking advantage of the vulnerable, or we assume that we are meant to offer a service—whatever it is—for free. Somehow, our service becomes “tainted” when we ask for money in exchange.

“Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.” ~ Anaïs Nin

What lies do we tell ourselves about money?

I, for one, have been reading tarot and doing healing arts for 10 years without being paid. I thought that making a living from offering my services to those who needed my help and guidance was “bad karma” or “shameful.” How dare I ask the universe to support me while I supported others?

So I suffered and struggled for a long time. I was doing less and less of my healing work out in the real world. Why? Because my day job took all my energy and I didn’t have enough left over to do what I was meant to do in this world: heal.

I continued to tell myself the story that charging money for my healing work was “using people.” However, there is a big difference between using people and being properly compensated—and unfortunately, I learned that the hard way.

I am a trained therapist; I spent time and energy to go to school for 10 years to study psychology and the healing arts. I used my talents to support another coach in facilitating their retreats, and I was not compensated. Doing that revealed to me that I was not honoring myself, my energy, and my expertise in the field. I was being taken advantage of. I take the blame for letting it slide and for not demanding compensation. One day, however, I simply woke up and realized my 10 years of training led me to this opportunity, and if I wasn’t being compensated for my years of experience, I was out.

Being a healer isn’t about saving the world single-handedly. It isn’t about a hero who, standing in the background, saves the day—and then never takes credit. That is not being in service; it is martyrdom. Being in service means we heal, guide, and teach, and in return, the universe compensates us so that we can keep serving.

It’s a consistent and balanced give-and-take, an alignment—which requires receiving as much as it does giving. Being blessed with a gift doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be supported by using it—our work is worthy.

The three internal blocks to prosperity:

Shame:

Get rid of this. We need money to continue doing the work we do, and to survive, and it’s not shameful to be paid. It’s not shameful to ask for what you deserve to create balance and harmony in your life. It is not shameful to have a roof over your head, food on your table, and bills paid, with some savings from your hard work.

Self-worth:

If you don’t think you deserve it, you aren’t gonna get it. No one is going to support you unless you are confident in what you do and believe it’s worth something. You, your time, and your energy are worth something—it’s not a gift to be given away. If it’s meaningful and has value, then it should have monetary value as well.

The game:

Don’t play it. There is no “working your way up the ladder” via offering free work and making connections. No! You do a job; you get compensation. Don’t let anyone use you like that. If you aren’t confident in your ability to do what you do, better believe someone will pick up on that and try to take advantage.

How to work—doing what you do best—and be compensated:

>> Ask for compensation.
>> Believe your service is worth it.
>> Don’t be afraid to say no.
>> Seek balance: everything is a give-and-take.
>> Money means survival—there is no shame in making a comfortable living.

Relephant: