THE IMPORTANCE OF FORGIVING YOURSELF AFTER A LOSS.

In the first year after my sister’s death (she passed away at the age of 17 due to accidental overdose of opioids, you can click here to learn more) I struggled a lot with regret and learned the importance of forgiving yourself after a loss. I found myself constantly wishing I could go back and change some of our conversations, the way we left things, and the ways I handled our relationship. As I looked back into the years before, I realized I didn’t fully accept her individuality. I wasn’t empathetic of her mental health/struggles. And honestly, I didn’t try to comprehend her anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder because they didn’t personally effect me. I know, how selfish of me. I would just think to myself “Helen, just get over it. Make friends. Move on. Why can’t you just get with it?” and I regret these thoughts. Looking back, I was more like her coach, always on her butt about everything.

It makes me sad because we would rarely ever say I love you or thank you to each other, but I always could feel how much I meant to her. It just wasn’t expressed. But, I asked myself why wasn’t it expressed more? Why didn’t I tell her how much she meant to me? Why didn’t I do all these things. This inner dialogue just made things worst.
But, what helped me with this regret?
A moment I had using these mediumship cards called, “Talking to Heaven” by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh, that my mom’s friend had gifted her, helped me to move past this regret and into forgiveness. These cards were my second introduction to the spiritual world, if thats what we want to call it. The first was actually with Helen and my mom when we went to see a medium together. So, I had a very vague understanding of this newer world of spirituality. It was a bit scary, full of unknowns, but I felt the need to dive in more.

[caption id=”attachment_233″ align=”alignnone” width=”800″] Some examples of the Talking to Heaven Mediumship Cards By: Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh[/caption]

My first time using these cards, I set up alone in my room and I opened up the box, got the little booklet out and read the first few pages where Doreen teaches you about oracle cards. She teaches you what they are and how to use them (please note: these guidelines are very important, so follow the directions). I felt scared, but I so badly wanted to know what Helen had to say because I could feel something trying to come through. So, I followed the directions. I started shuffling the cards, stopped when it felt right, and chose the one on top.

The card read,  “I should’ve told you I loved you more” with a an image of a big heart in the clouds. 

I knew in that moment that this was Helen forgiving me and her wanting me to forgive myself. I completely crumbled crying in my bed feeling so relieved. I was just thinking in my head, THANK YOU. Thank you God for forgiving me. Thank you Helen for forgiving me! And most importantly, thank you to myself for forgiving me. Remembering this now, I realize this moment was really me just returning back to love. Learning that love never left, I just lost sight of it. This taught me that forgiveness is so powerful that it can bring you back to love. Scratch that, it WILL bring you back to love every time! And honestly, I already knew this message in my heart, but having it confirmed by these cards made me feel so relieved. To confirm that: what I felt was real. That love that wasn’t always expressed was and is real. That love is still there, even though she is gone.
The main lesson
So, Yes, I had many regrets about our relationship. These were mistakes I made and I pray you don’t make these mistakes with your friends, family or loved ones. And if you do, that you quickly forgive yourself and return back to love. I want everyone to know that it’s totally normal when someone close to you passes away to feel regret and wish you could’ve done more, but please remind yourself, you are human. You are not perfect. This is totally okay. So, forgive yourself, forgive the other person and understand you are doing the best you can with what you are given. Please remember, forgiveness is the short cut back to love.

About Me: Hello, I am Rebecca and I am a personal blogger. I journal about my personal experience through grief, loss, addiction, co-dependency, healing anger and so much more. If you would like to know or read more you can visit my website theblueempath.com. I would love to connect with you and hear your story. Sending you so much love and light!

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