The Beauty of Vulnerability

What does it mean to be vulnerable; to truly make that drop from your head to your heart? I recently had a conversation with a friend, someone I adore, and we were talking about a serious intimate matter. While I had no problem listening and learning about who this person was, when pressed to share my own feelings, I shied away from being honest about my desires. Why? Because being exposed at that level of authenticity is freaking scary. Even for me.

In any situation, we run the risk of getting hurt. If you’ve experienced that in the past, sometimes the story of what you think will happen, can lead to great resistance, instead of keeping your heart wide open. I think we all have experienced this to some degree and the consequences can be detrimental to our personal development. More importantly, it can cast a shadow over intimacy, deeply impacting our ability to connect with others.

Sharing our feelings without knowing how a person will react opens us up to potential scrutiny, judgement, misunderstanding and criticism. When confronted with the possibility of getting hurt, it’s easier to hide our most vulnerable selves. Yet the upside, and believe me this one takes the cake, is getting to be truly authentic with another person. Allowing yourself to be seen. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone can’t handle your truth? Then that’s not your person.

To thrive in relationships, there needs to be a level of vulnerability. Without it, there is no intimacy. For me, the two have been a lifelong struggle but as I evolve, the need to be vulnerable is too important for me to ignore. In the past, I have run away from connection, terrified of not being good enough and preoccupied with playing a part so as to keep my partners interested. However, this way of being is exhausting, and unrealistic. As I tried harder to show my worth through my external looks and accomplishments, and keeping my feelings quiet, the further away I got from my highest self. And when the relationship called for a level of intimacy, I would run so far, with the intention of removing myself from the dynamic before you pushed me away. Over time, I’ve learned that I am incapable of being close to another person if I keep parts of myself hidden under the weight of fear.

Intimacy creates a safe and fulfilling connection between two people. Instead of shutting down, running away or detaching from the experience, take an opportunity to look within, identify your old stories and sit with the feelings. What happens is magical. Standing in your truth and letting another person witness who you are, creates a bond that cannot be broken. There’s a level of trust that exists as well, whether between a romantic partner or simply a friend. Instead of being ruled by fear, I say jump in, share every side of yourself and revel in the joy it brings; including improving your communication with others, being seen and understood, building self-esteem and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

I have spent most of my life projecting this vision of who I think you want me to be. Always with the intention of protecting my heart. As I’ve come into my own, I often wonder what was it all for? Today, I am overjoyed by the chances I take, the people I love, the experiences I’m having and the connections created all from being vulnerable.

I end with a quick meditation practice to help get the introspective process started. Take a moment to sit quietly and focus on your breath. Deep inhales and exhales, breathing love in and breathing fear out. Reflect on one relationship that you may be hiding in. What would you want to say to this person if you were free from fear and the possibility of rejection? Write it down, say it out loud and sit with all the feelings, both scary and exhilarating. When you’re ready, find your voice and begin to share your truth.

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