Yes, Letting Him ‘Spy’ Actually Made Me a ‘Savior’ of Our Relationship

Trust is non-negotiable in a relationship and one of the most important components too. But if you have a partner who suffers from trust issues, by no means it implies that you cannot be in a healthy relationship. It is just that things become a bit complicated and the relationship requires a lot more effort from both the parties as compared to a regular relationship.

A relationship is not really easy and has its shares of tough and rough spots. If one suspects his/her spouse of cheating that it can be an extremely traumatic experience. Being cheated on is one of the worst things to happen to anyone and leaves this big hollow space right in the middle of your chest which you think may never be filled again. When someone breaks your trust and heart, sometimes they also take away your ability to trust again. This is what happened with the love of my life. And it made me do something that is unheard of normally. But my reason for doing that was to save my relationship, nothing else.

Jake and I had been going out for some time now. We had a mutual group of friends and would see each other quite often at different gatherings. One day we got to talking, like really deep conversation and how the hours flew? I have no idea. We began to talk daily on messages, a few calls a week and gradually, we began dating. We have been steady for eight months now. But while being in a relationship with Jake I realized that he had serious trust issues. He was a sweetheart, really caring and understanding but he got really weird sometimes and I felt as if he didn’t trust me. Upon asking him about it, he really didn’t trust me!

This came as a shock. I mean here I am with this guy for six months and everything is going great. The topic of moving in together also came up more than once. We were seriously considering it! But the few times he stayed at my place or me at his, he would act really paranoid sometimes when I had to go run an errand, take a call or message, someone. Not in a crazy sort of way, but I got irritated by his consistent questioning and inquiring. I tried to be patient and assured him as much as possible. Around two months ago, I had really hectic work month. Plus my colleague got sick so I had to cover her shift as well so I was unable to be available for some hours. I wasn’t able to timely respond to his calls or messages.  We got into this huge fight and later on, I got to know that he was suffering from trust issues and he just could not bring himself to trust anyone.

In a relationship, the fact is clear as day that you cannot stay in a relationship if the other person is not making any effort to make your stay. It was not Jake, who was not making any effort, he was great in every way and as far as his trust issues were concerned, they stemmed out of an emotionally abusive marriage he suffered from. So, I thought to fix it.

Now, people may have qualms about using a monitoring app or a spyware. Everyone tends to have different reasons so as to why they want to use a monitoring app on somebody’s phone. Parents want to see what their children are up to on the internet, to see whether a spouse is seeing someone behind their back or not. But in my case, I let Jake see what I was up to. With my consent. I let him use Xnspy monitoring app on my phone so that he could see where I was when I was unable to respond him. Just seeing me where I said I will be, gave him a sense of comfort and relief.

You see, his ex-wife cheated on him and it ended up really bad. Being cheated on left terrible impacts on Jake, his mental health, and his emotional state. It messed with his head badly. He just could not trust anyone anymore. Especially not in a relationship. He had spent a long time asking himself why he did not ever see that something was off in his marriage, that he was being lied to, why wasn’t he more observant. He used to torture himself with one question after another.

So, I got to know about this app from a friend who was using Xnspy to keep a check on her teen. It lets you know about both the online and offline activity of the phone user. It is reliable, safe and easy on the pocket as well. And I thought to myself ‘Why not?’ if his previous relationship left such scars on him then maybe I could be the change he needs in his life? And here I would like to say this to anyone who is in a relationship with someone having trust issues, do not let go that easily. Yes, whatever happened with Jake wasn’t going to go away overnight. He went through a lot and the only reason he asks so many questions and gets insecure is that he has been badly hurt in the past. And that is why in order to heal him I took this decision.

And now, things have gotten really better. He was shocked at my decision at first. But deep down, he was overwhelmed with emotion. This relationship was something I deeply valued and I wanted to have a future with Jake. So I gave him the knowledge he wanted be it knowing where I was and letting him see who I have been in touch with, etc. Honestly, there is nothing to hide as we have the same friend circle and no, it did not creep me out. Jake got cheated on and he was crushed. It was not his fault. You cannot let somebody else’s fault ruin the life of someone you love. So yeah, whenever he started to have those insecurity attacks and those trail of questions, I answered him. And let him see for himself too. This, on my part, was equal to saying “Yes, you can trust me.”

Things are great now. Jake has gotten much better and the initial habit of keeping a check on everything has lessened substantially. He has begun to trust me and my words without seeing it for himself on the app.

When dealing with someone with trust issues, you merely don’t try to earn trust. You earn it the hard way. Getting him this monitoring app was my way of letting him on my life completely and consensually. This was a small gesture on my part but meant a lot to Jake and I was able to save my relationship. This little act was something huge to him and he just told me last night that he is ready to let go of the app now.

Remember, if you are trying hard to stay in a relationship with someone having trust issues, your partner is too. No one wants to live that way. Everyone needs someone they can trust and rely on. With careful, cautious steps and with the intention of actually working things out, your relationship can blossom. You will be able to build something really strong and beautiful. Just like I did.

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