New Year’s Resolutions

I recently celebrated another anniversary of my birth. The past year was beset with emotional difficulties, so I used the arrival of this day to take stock of my current situation and ask myself some hard questions:

“Am I happy? If not, why not?”

“Am I making myself responsible for others’ care while sacrificing self-care?” (Hint: if the only nice thing someone can say about me is “You take better care of me than I take of myself”, then perhaps I have taken on too much of what is ultimately that person’s own responsibility.)

“Who is really responsible when my feelings are hurt because I am treated with disrespect?”

“If I allow others to treat me with disrespect, am I truly respecting myself?”

“Do I recognize and accept my own worth before expecting others to do the same?” (Hint: allowing someone to treat me as if I am irrelevant, unimportant, and not of equal value is the same as treating myself that way.)

“Is any of that behavior living true to myself?”

“What do I REALLY want?”

Some of the answers come quickly, some not so much. But as I begin another rotation around the sun on this big blue ball, I have made some resolutions for the coming year:

I resolve to be kinder to myself, more accepting of, and more grateful for my own unique spirit, apologizing to no one for being who I am.

I resolve to be responsible for making my own happiness, eliminating the things and relationships that don’t serve me well on that path.

I resolve to be responsible for my own self-care, putting myself first more often, letting others take care of themselves.

I resolve to take ownership of my feelings, remembering that I can be hurt by nothing but my own thoughts about something, and that I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt. While we are all responsible for our own words and actions, I am ultimately responsible for whether or not I will allow emotionally abusive words thrown at me in anger to hurt me.

In light of this acknowledgment, I resolve to respect myself by stepping away from situations where I am being disrespected by someone else’s words or actions.

I resolve to reclaim my self-worth, and as I do, I will demand to be equally valued and treated with respect in every relationship. I will eliminate relationships where mutual respectfulness is not practiced.

I resolve to seek a future different from the past.

Perhaps this new resolve will result in a part of my path forward being solo, and that’s okay. Experiences and relationships that no longer serve me will not be considered failures, but lessons learned.

I begin this new year committed to awakening to the possibilities of each new day, aware that change is necessary for growth, and understanding that the answers to all my questions begin with me.

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