An open letter to the one that my White Wolf saved me from

To the one that my White Wolf saved me from, 

After the first date, I lulled myself into thinking that I saw potential in you, in us. Society told me that I should. 

So I did. 

You looked the part, your hair perfectly placed, shirt pressed and expensive shoes. And you knew to smile at the right time, but something was missing. There was a part of you that made me want to turn and run. 

After the second date, my stomach should have been filled with butterflies, but instead, even though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it as to why, it was the howl of my protective White Wolf that echoed through my body.

After the third date, all I saw in your eyes was a vision of you and me – and a white-picket-fence, lined with bars. 

My White Wolf roared. 

I blame myself because every time I saw you you spoke with the words forevermore laced in your voice; but it was crystal clear that we were not going anywhere and yet because of society’s push I kept myself rolling in a shell of delusion. I translated your sarcasm to humour, your silence to empathy, and your bravado to nerves. 

But really, cocky is what you are, and empathetic is what you are not. 

You made me feel like I was drowning and losing my sense of self. You tried to manipulate me with sad stories, knowing the softness of my heart. You barely kept your frustration on a leash when I failed to return your calls, even though it was clear that we had nothing to talk about. 

You tried to exercise control over me because of your own insecurities. 

But the entire time, my White Wolf took a protective stance at the door of my heart. Poised and ready for battle. 

You see, my White Wolf is a gift from my late mother, the one who loved me the most. On her deathbed she charged me to guard my heart at all costs. To fight for love, yes, but not at the expense of losing myself – as she did. To never settle – as she did. To listen to the rumbling wisdom of my soul. To capture the moments, the inklings that reveal the truth in a person. 

So to you, the one who dared to place me in a cage, my mother’s gift, my White Wolf was intelligent enough to spin the wheel of events and unveil the reality of your flimsy emotions toward me. You never possessed any part of me – not physically, not emotionally. 

Because I am stronger than that. 

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