Never Judge a Book (or person) by the Cover……

On a Thursday, a few years back; a young boy who appeared ok, who was a fun, vibrant and full of life young man, decided to opt out of life. For reasons yet unknown, this young man who was athletic, a little cheeky, willing to support his mates, and appeared to have it all together, decided to take his own life. He was a young man that my then, 15-year-old son had the opportunity to know, look up to, and the pleasure to call his mate. At the time, I had the hard task of helping my son through not only his grief, but also his confusion and questions of “why”.

Why did this young man, with his whole life ahead of him feel like he had no other options? Why did he not talk about his feelings, or whatever was going on in his life? Was he afraid of what others would think of him? Did he feel he wasn’t worthy of support, or his feelings weren’t important? These are questions that I don’t think my son will ever know the answers to; all I can do is be there for him. Listen, give advice on the facts I have, offer comfort, remind him to openly talk about his own feelings, not bottle things up, and know that no matter what is going on in his life, my job as not only his mum, but also as a caring human being, is to never judge…..only to love.

We, as a collective, need to practice kindness not judgement. If we practiced kindness always, maybe we would feel valued and loved. If we listened to others, and spoke out of love, kindness and mindfulness, maybe then, we would be free to openly be our true selves. If we lost the ability to judge, maybe we would find the ability to present our true selves to the world.

Everyone has facets of themselves that they don’t publicly display-I am no different,

Over the years I have learned how to fake a smile or happiness. Not allow myself to get to close to people, and  resist help from others, just to save myself from embarrassment or the fear of not being liked or accepted for who I am. In my deepest and darkest times, I found myself contemplating my “way out”. You see, on the outside, to anyone looking “in” I appeared to be ok. I appeared to be happily married. I have three happy and healthy boys, drove a nice car, have a few friends and always had a friendly smile for everyone. On the inside, I struggled daily to keep up the act; eventually leading to my suicidal thought pattern. I honestly believed that my family would be better off without me.

I was eventually diagnosed by my GP with an anxiety and panic disorder, and my GP referred me to a psychologist,who helped me through those dark thoughts………without her professionalism, her ability to encourage me to see my own self worth, and her persistence in encouraging me to show her “all” of me; I’m pretty sure I would’ve either taken my own life by now, or be on a destructive path of self loathing.

Through practicing “self care”, I have learned Reiki, I meditate and practice prayer; I now feel a sense of self.I am well aware of my blessings, and give thanks daily!

Suicide is a serious issue, and unfortunately it is increasing. If you, or someone you know needs help to talk through, or cope with any feelings, please know that there are people and/or services willing to be of assistance. Your feelings willbe heard without judgement. If fear or judgement is preventing you from speaking with a loved one, your GP is a good place to start. Lifeline and Beyond Blue are also trained professionals, I have spoken with both at different periods in my life, and everything you share is strictly confidential.

My anxiety doesn’t define me; it is simply an aspect of me. I’m hoping that by me presenting a little more of my true self to you, that I will lose the fear of judgement and maybe help someone else lose his or hers as well.

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