My friends said I should be a therapist. I said F*ck it, and started writing instead.

Looking back to a time in my early 20s when I was hanging with
some of my closest friends. In the kitchen stoned, gathered around the
dining room table eating chips and guacamole. The house was big and quite
nice.  It was my first time there. Occupied by some cute 30 year old dudes,
whom I didn’t really know. One which 11 years later is now married to my
best friend. The home had a gorgeous poor area up a set of concrete stairs
coming from the kitchen. The only thing keeping the two apart was a huge
sliding glass door.

Being the nice friend that I am, I decided to run and up and grab us some more beers from the cooler by the pool.  They in turn thought it would be funny to close the sliding glass door behind me. So when I returned I would Likely run into it. Little did they know I came running down those stairs full speed, face first straight into that damn glass door. (How it didn’t shatter, I still wonder). The force was mighty. Tooth through the lip and everything!  Blood everywhere. At first they laughed until they saw the look in my eyes and the blood gushing from my face. And then there was silence and just FEAR. Followed by several apologies, hugs and even more laughter. It’s a day that we still talk about.

If I had only known back then the significance of that collision. Or that
I would subconsciously continue to run into that glass door hundreds if not
thousands of times in my future.  Maybe just then would I of stopped and
slowed down a bit. Realized that life is what I make of it, instead of what
happens to me. Maybe I wouldn’t of created illness, manifested misery and self
sabotaged the majority of my 20’s and early 30’s. Don’t get me wrong it
wasn’t all bad. I had many things to be thankful and grateful for. Problem
was I didn’t realize it at the time. If I knew then what I know now.. I
would of enjoyed life much more up until this point.

But nope.

Instead, I took way to many of those glass doors to the face.

We can see it. It’s all there right in front of us.  The spouse, the
wedding, the house, the perfect career, the kids, the dogs, the gatherings, the
cookouts, the lake days with friends and loves ones, the laughter, graduations,
vacations, promotions, the business owning.  All of it. It’s happening! Right in
front of our eyes. We can see it.. . But every time you get close.. we
run straight into that glass door!  Not to mention, there are so many locks on that  damn door. Way to many to count!
It’s almost as guarded as the Love Lock bridge   (Ponte des Arts) in Paris.  A place I’ve always wanted to visit. With the love of my life of course. (Which by the way, hasn’t yet happened.) But let me tell you something boo. It will. It’s working it’s way to me right now. And each day I’m closer to all of the wishes and desires I have for myself coming true.

Unfortunately in life majority of the people we encounter will never make
it to the other side of that glass door. Some don’t even know it exists.
Theirs is just a dark door in the middle of a black wall guarded with locks
and chains and barbed wire holding it shut. There’s no way they would put
in the work to open that door because they don’t even know what’s on the
other side of it. They haven’t taken the time to visualize what they want,
or more importantly what they DESERVE. For them it’s much easier to throw
their hands up and surrender. Surrender to their self criticism and
acceptance of criticism of others. They surrender to FEAR of the unknown.
Doubt the possibilities. They can’t even begin to see the light at the end
of the tunnel. They don’t know what light is. They are always surrounded by
their darkeness. For those are the people my heart breaks for the most.

I learned early into my personal development journey, “you are kind to
want to fix them all, but wise when you fix yourself.”

They say you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. Well
let me tell you, I’ve watched a lot of horses go thirsty.

Then there are the luckier ones who have taken the time to envision their
future. They know what they want. And through trial and error, what they
don’t want (Let me tell you boo, that’s not always fun.) But it’s
necessary.

They are standing right in front of that glass door. Watching all their
dreams and desires unfold right infront of their eyes. Problem is. They
have no idea how to get to it. To taste it, to smell it, to feel it, to
live it. It’s taken them years to find this damn door and now that they’re
here. They have no keys and 7,111 locks keeping it closed. Well that’s
fucking frustrating. And enough discouragement to stop a few others in
their tracks. They know it’s there, it’s possible. But the journey to reach
it is uncertain. And so FEAR keeps them right where they have been.

Plus if we are living in fear we will never even know where to start to
look for those keys. We will be in a panic. “It’s to good to be true..” “It’s an illusion”, “a dream”. “It can’t be reality. “

We still hold on to some sort of limiting beliefs about ourselves. And
that will automatically shift us into a vibration that does not serve us
and there for those keys will stay hidden.

But…. then there’s the few of us left. Who won’t give up. Who will have
to stop many many times and sit with ourselves. Listen to our fears, listen
to what makes us feel insecure or doubtful of our greatness. I know for a
fact that this part ain’t fun. And it sure as hell ain’t pretty. I’m
talking the ugly cry face with uncontrollable boob sweat and sometimes
swollen eyelids for weeks.

Crying always makes me look like I got popped in the eyes. One after
another. I break out in the gorgeous bright red rash down the right side of
my face. So every time I would emerge from the bathroom during my nine hour
server shift in a restaurant full of boisterous Italians. I’d have to blame it on my
allergies or the pesticides. I couldn’t bare to share the tales of my
journey because I knew if I’d even mentioned what had been going through my
head. I’d completely fall apart. But with each crying trip to the bathroom,
each chapter read in my “self help” books, each break through in yoga, each
random thought shot out of literally nowhere to my subconscious during
reiki therapy.. another key appeared. Sometimes it would take weeks. And
only one or two keys would present themselves. Which at the time, I had no
idea they were even there.

But as time went on and more and more of the same epiphanies began to
happen. I’d start to see 3:33 and 4:44 (or any random triple digit for that
matter) multiple places a day. I’d think of a song and it’s on the next
station I’d switch to. I’d have a dream about an old co worker and low and
behold he’s in line behind me the next day in traffic. So many “weird”
things start happening that you KNOW that someone somewhere is trying to
speak to you. It sounds crazy to most. Especially if you are closed minded.
In that case I’m just some other wackadoo preaching about the “all mighty
universe”. But to those of you who know, it’s one of the most incredible
life altering feelings ever. It’s better than sex. Because it lasts much
much longer. And takes you much farther. Once you become
Aware or “awakened” all of those little keys start popping up in the
easiest places. Places you’ve searched many times before.

“What the fuck. I’ve been here before, and there was no keys here”
Now they are everywhere!!

Sometimes our old patterns and beliefs pop up and the keys become less visible. Some of them may even disappear. But don’t fret. They
will be back. To keep them coming. We have to always actively thought swap, affirm, be open and willing, and work every damn day on loving ourselves. Through the break outs, bad haircuts, chemical peels, constipation, health scares, hair loss, jobs loss, injuries, uneven eyebrows, break ups, bloated days, and even when you’re sick sprawled out on the bathroom floor with it coming out both ends. We have to ALWAYS love ourselves. That’s the only way we will begin the beautiful journey of finding the keys to unlock the glass door keeping us from living our greatest life. The life the universe wants us to live. One full of love,
health, wealth, success, more love, friendships, abundance, healthy
partnerships and even year long vacations all
Over the world. (Which for the record, I am all about) .

So great!!!

Now we know we need to find the vision, locate the door, accumulate all of
the keys, unlock the door.

And VIOLA!!!!

We’re here living our dream life with our sexy spouse grilling us a steak
or veggie burger (for all my vegan readers). Sounds perfect right!!! It is.

But wait honey.

It ain’t that easy. FIRST. We have to figure out what key goes with what
lock. “They all look the same.”  “This could take forever.. this is going to
suck. I thought I was almost there.” ” What the fuck?!?”

Hold up. STOP. Before you give up!!!  Listen.

Don’t you see, that’s the beauty of it. With each key that fits, unlocks
another thing holding us back. So even though it’s a long and I mean
sometimes really long process. The actual beauty is in the process.

A wise man once said to me when I had almost given up on him to: “Trust the process.”  I did, and boy, was I rewarded.

So here we go. Let’s pick up the first key and start working through each
lock holding us back. The journey will be hard at times but oh so
rewarding.
 

CLINK.. and just like that.

One becomes free .
Just 7,110 to go!!

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