Why you should stop filling in the gaps of what others are thinking and not saying.

At some point in our lives we’re all guilty of trying to read between the lines of what others aren’t really saying.

The person you just met.  The crush that suddenly developed out of thin air. Our family. Our coworkers. Friends.

Why do we put ourselves through the torture and anxiety of trying to read someone’s mind; their body language?

Do you base your interactions or your worth on the feedback that you receive? Do you call up your best friend and try to decipher what an offhand comment or text means?

Well….if you do…this article is for you.

Did you know that your mind can become your biggest enemy? It’s not the bully in your class, the neighbor down the street, the ex girlfriend or boyfriend that you’re better off without.  It’s you!

The way that our brain works is that it rewires toward whatever thoughts we put in the forefront.  It’s been scientifically proven that we create new pathways in our brain based on the situations we are going through.

Dont believe me?  Take this simple test.

Take the most recent negative thing that has happened in your life.   Give it just 10 minutes to really analyze it.  Eliminate all of your distractions and give this negative event all of your attention.

Concentrate only on the things you think you did wrong.  What you could have done better. What you think you should have done differently. It’s even ok to curse yourself (only this one time….bc it’s a test)

Once that 10 minutes has passed.  Go look in the mirror and study your reflection.  Are you disappointed? Disgusted with yourself?  Find it hard to look at your own reflection? I can guarantee that this negative event has just ruined your mood for the rest of the day.

Now think of the same event, but this time really forgive yourself.  Give yourself 10 minutes of encouragement following the negative situation. Think of your actions as human, acceptable, or emotional.  Take the time to really talk to yourself…and dont let a negative thought slip in or you need to restart your 10 minutes over.

Now….go to the mirror again and look at your reflection.  Can you feel the difference?  Do you look at yourself and allow the uplifting to continue?  Do you feel sympathy for the person in the mirror for letting the negativity take away your happiness? Your sense of security?

You should feel a significant difference in the way that your responses made you feel.

Now let’s get back to our main topic.  Inserting unfounded thoughts into what you believe someone else is thinking about you.  (Remember that what you are thinking is going to have the same effect on you as our test above.)

The problem with speculating what someone else is thinking is that the i almost ALWAYS negative. Its driven by fear and anxiety. We’re seeking approval, acceptance, and love. We’re human….we want to feel connected.

But the worst part is….is that these speculations are based on NOTHING! There’s no FACTS behind the negativity that we’re feeling!

The result of our assumptions is that we build new pathways of negativity that our brains will refer to every time we’re put in a similar situation.  Theres no need to create a new pathway; its already there! Negative thinking now becomes a habit!

The brain and its pathways are no different then water running down a mountain.  It’s going to take the path of least resistance.  It’s going to take the same journey down the mountain every single time unless something forces it to forge a new path!

The waters new path (transformation) isnt going to be easy…the water forming the new trail is going to have to cut through rock, crossover barriers and boundaries, and sometimes its going to make a wrong turn and end up going nowhere. It’s also going to take time!

But the old path is no longer an option…the water just pools and isnt allowed to flow freely.  The pressure builds until one day it’s just going to break.

This is why we have to retrain our brain to form new pathways of positivity. When we allow the negative cycle to play over and over again we train our brains to imagine the outcome before an attempt has even been made!  We’re going to end up in the same pool!

When we base our projections on the facts and remove speculation; we allow ourselves to be encouraged.  This positivity actually has the power to change the end result.

That conversation we had with the new crush becomes a hope instead of a one time event.  We look forward to the next interaction.

The job interview that we think we rocked….now becomes a goal and an exciting new endeavor that could open doors.

Its time to take back the power of our minds and redesign our pathways.  Quit inserting unfounded opinions into someone elses actions and words. Use positivity to encourage yourself!  The result is life changing!

— K. B. Lever

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