A Guys Perspective.

I am staring at this screen and contemplating submitting my first and an original piece to EJ. I have been looking at this box that says “Your Story”. What is “My” story? Well, as a 55 year old male, divorced, 2 teenage daughters and a hopeless romantic, I am scared. I am trying to figure what this thing life is. I am scared of not being a good model for my teenage daughters, I am scared of screwing up as a Dad. And I am scared of what it means to be a partner to another human being.
I don’t see many articles here from men. There are a few and they are very inspiring. We are still caught in a web of machismo and male expectations. Be strong, provide, yet be vulnerable, share your feelings, be real. Yet in many instances, we still get labeled and criticized. I was sitting by a fire the other night with 2 women. One divorced, who has been my partner for 3 years, the other, married for 10+ years. struggling with the meaning of life and what a marriage means. . The latter was lamenting how she just wants her husband to “be a man and take me”. I listened to that and thought for a moment. What the hell does that mean?? As men, what do we do with that?? You want us strong and neanderthal, yet please know when you want to talk, when you just want to be left alone and just read my mind of when I want you to “just take me”! Men are essentially little boys. We put our hand on the hot stove, we get burned and we usually remember to not do that again. In relationships, if we put ourselves out there, we get rejected, we remember that pain, for a long time. And trust me, I know women experience very similar emotions. But you ladies seem to be more resiliant and capable of dealing with rejection better than us little boys. I have worked on it my whole life. I have always been more comfortable with the female energy. From having a good relationship with my mother, to always having women roommates in my 2o’s/3o’s to getting married and having 2 girls. And most of my friends are women!

I am a strong believer in practicing vulnerability every single day. I have worked on understanding women and how their amazing brains work. That they just want to be heard. And when it comes to a physical relationship, the “naughty bits” are secondary. If a woman feels heard, feels safe, and knows you will let no harm come to her EVER, that is a fertile field of intense, real, physical connection and pleasure. For both parties. This is all very basic stuff. But throughout life, we get jaded. Our hands get burned on that stove, and we end up scared and withholding for fear of getting hurt. I am currently going thru a life situation with that partner of 3 years. We have tried to make a loving relationship work. The reality is that at middle age, you should have a better idea of what you want and don’t want. What is important and what isn’t.  Believe me. I have made my mistakes and I am willing to accept that others do as well and if we come from love and kindness, nothing cannot be overcome. But, it takes 2 people willing to do that. And inject past relationships that aren’t resolved yet, now we have an angry ocean where the wind is blowing one direction and the tide is flowing another. That is a very difficult ocean to navigate because your boat can not stay in one direction. It gets tossed and thrown. And you keep looking for calmer water so you can move forward. I am looking for calmer water. I love this person with every once of my being… butI can’t do it alone. And I am again scared. I will continue to do the work. To be a better human being every day. And to not be scared of loving someone. Because when it works, it is the most beautiful and fulfilling feeling in the universe. Keep putting yourself out there.

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