Solo journeys: The joys of discovering the world alone.

In June 2011 I found myself newly single, in a new country, with a new job and zero friends. Being a big city girl, life in a small town was a big shock. Traveling is what kept me sane during the first few months -it became my survival mechanism in my effort to deal with huge life changes, and adjust to the new reality that included traffic jams caused by cows (I was living in a small village), and shoveling snow in winter (in my hometown snow is a rarity). So I used to get in the car and drive away to discover new cities, see new places.

This may sound easy now but back then it was anything but. I am an only child with what we would describe as “helicopter parents”, having been in a long relationship, doing everything with my then boyfriend, the idea of solo traveling hadn’t even crossed my mind (apart from the usual fantasy of “going to the airport and hopping on the first plane available”).   
I learned a lot about myself and the world during these early solo travels, learnings that I want to share with you:

The world is fundamentally a good place

“Oh, that’s brave. Aren’t you scared?” is the first question I am being asked -almost always by people who have never traveled on their own- when I mention that I am traveling alone. And yet, there is not much to be scared of. Sure, bad things happen and one needs to be careful (more on that later) but I have found that people are generally nice and welcoming -which leads me to my second point.

The kindness of strangers

Lots of things have been said about it but I cannot stress enough how much random acts of kindness can warm up the heart, and restore one’s faith in humanity. A young man carrying my suitcase up the stairs, an older lady asking me if I needed help seeing me looking rather lost, a warm smile and a friendly conversation from a waitress -it is always the small things that make a big difference in our lives.

Wild and free

There is a wild freedom in deciding -on a whim or after careful planning- what I will do next without having to ask anyone “what would you like?”. Now, don’t get me wrong; sharing beautiful moments with loved ones -be it friends, family or partners- is priceless, and compromising is part of the deal, and most times, it doesn’t even feel as a compromise. But when I travel on my own, I have full responsibility of myself, and I really listen to what myself says, from what and when she wants to eat to which places to visit. I get to know me better, and this allows me to connect better and more authentically with people.

Where magic happens

‘Take the wrong turn, go to the place you didn’t intend going -the best discoveries are always hidden there.” This is my mantra when I am travelling alone. I always have some sort of plan regarding what I want to do, and which places I must visit but I always leave room for the unexpected, such as walking down a street that looks beautiful or interesting (I have discovered some of the best graffitis in such streets) or trying out a small, unassuming, but absolutely amazing restaurant.

Talking to people is easier

“I met a lovely couple in a restaurant“, a friend who had just returned from Tokyo told me when we met, and she went on describing how they connected immediately, discussing about the places they have visited, giving her tips for the remainder of her trip in Japan. Her encounter with this couple, and the easiness with which they came together, as old friends do, didn’t surprise me. We are social animals, we have an innate need to communicate with other people, and we need to be around them. Travelling already takes us away from our familiar environment, and if we are travelling without our tribe, then the need to speak to someone, even casual small talk, forces us to shed our inhibitions, relax, smile and say “hi”.

I will probably remember forever the day a man, sitting next to me in a coffee shop   In London, asked me a question which led to another one, and soon we found ourselves chatting, and we ended up having brunch, going along with the flow of conversation. I didn’t know it at the time but I was about to fall in love with him. What happened next is a long story but had I not be traveling alone, I wouldn’t have met one of the most important characters of my story.

Reset your life

There are times that I want to take some distance from my own life. Going to an unfamiliar place and breaking the routine gives me space and a different perspective. I can be alone with my thoughts and let them take a different shape, interacting with the new experiences I am having at that moment. Everytime I return home after a solo trip, I feel that something has changed inside me too -it isn’t necessarily a big change or even manifested to the outside world (most of my people do not even notice it). It is as if I have pressed the reset button.   

Playing it safe

Unfortunately, being a woman, assessing risk is a 24/7 job; I have been lucky enough to have never experienced any problems or even been afraid but my tips would be: Do a little research before your trip as to whether there are any specific places or neighborhoods you need to avoid. Trust your instincts-if something feels uncomfortable, leave. Even if it means that you will be impolite, seem like you are overreacting or it costs you more money. I once left an Airbnb room just a couple of hours after my check-in; there was nothing wrong and it had rave reviews, but there was something in the atmosphere that was making me uneasy, and I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of spending the night there. I found instead a nice hotel, and I ended up having a very pleasant evening. Have a drink but don’t get drunk, and always have a plan about how you will return to your hotel/ Airbnb room.

I now have enough people in my life to travel with, but I still try to carve out a few days per year for a trip on my own. Solo trips are no longer a survival mechanism but a favourite tradition of delving into the unknown, wondering what amazing places I will discover next, what new learnings I have to discover. And I do hope that if you haven’t tried traveling alone yet, I might have made it sound like a great idea -because it is.

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