How Can We Have A Great Married Life. (10 Ways to Get Harmony in a Married Life)

(Genesis 2:18-18-It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him)

We all have a mate for life. Is that helper always suitable for us or willing to help? Is it easy to love someone who doesn’t love us back? Although that person made a vow to us that she/he would indeed love us back, but it is a kind of “kickback love”, which can’t be called a love rather it is a business agreement.

Today’s family life, devoid of principles, has less endurance and respect for feelings of others. The root causes being arrogance and prejudices. I have my personal experience. I had an arranged but unsuccessful marriage for a long time. As we are bound by the traditions and fearful of the society, I was ready to suffer but hesitant to break up in the hope that everything will be fine. It had been 15 years to our marriage, but we were not soul mate if not enemy. As of now, we restored harmony in our life. I want to share my wisdom which I got from my personal experience. The religion and practical knowledge are very important part of them as well.

(If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand: Mark 3:25)

When I was in love with that person I might be raw and naive and got excited to the idea that he/she showed some interest in me. How do I know when I start liking a person if he or she will become an enemy for life? There may be a case that my partner wants to possess and control me, with the time the situation becomes as such that makes us emotionally and physically weak.

When I return from work, a nag-fest waits for me behind the front door. We have thoughts to talk our feelings but in the back of our mind, we know that they won’t either listen carefully or not going to understand it completely. So, it is all inside just burning hole, making us resentful. One more thing we also know that if we spend too much time together sooner or later a heated blame series is going to start. Our partner relentlessly pushes us away with aggressive tone of voice and posture or taunts with a sarcasm or ridicule. Sometimes they don’t speak at all.

(Corinthians 13:4-7-4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud)

The marriage is a system which depends on the smooth working of its parts that are its partners. No one is perfect. We should learn to have healthy disagreements. In that situation, we have a physiological response with less brainpower which puts ourselves in an adversarial position. Then whatever our partner says will be rejected.

1. Why are we fighting?

(Proverb 20:3-3-It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel)

The first and foremost measure in the problem-solving method is to know the main cause of the arguments without it; we are not going to resolve anything. When there are different perspectives to do the things, an argument is bound to happen. In that heated moment, we say the same old hurtful remarks that cause resentment. Trace the very first argument; know the trigger reason for all the fights that has followed. Pinpoint the other fights. Were they arguing for with the same bend of mind?

Our unhappy personal history or childhood might have made us so reactive. This flashback will help us to understand our weaknesses. Now when we are calm, we can talk about our differences instead of proving ourselves right and fighting for that, which will lead to resolving the matter in the end. The knowledge of each other’s background will make us change our tone and have a soft corner for our partner. A mechanism to resolve the matter will be available and it will save us from years of helplessness in our marriage.

2. Effective Communications.

(Proverb 16:23- The wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips)

Communication is the core of proper understanding otherwise things get out of hand quickly. Effective transmission of ideas and viewpoints even if they are different, are always listened upon by another party because we are concerned not only for our own preferences but for the healthiness of the relationship as well. Providing the back story with the future intent will make our information relay efficaciously to our partner who now will have healthy disagreements or corrections for our betterment.

3.Take Responsibility for your Health.

(Galatians 6:4-5-But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in him alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear own load)

Andrew and Sandy have five years of marriage with a few quibbles here and there. Thereafter Andrew fell ill frequently. These illnesses got Andrew frazzled about the life. He is now short-tempered. Sandy is bewildered at Andrew’s restlessness. With every passing moment, this leads her to doubt herself as a wife. In a long run, this results in their breakup. It is our responsibility to scrutinize our own behavior in relationships here and there. It is a kind of feedback mechanism. When odds are not in our favor, we put the blame of our failures onto our partner. As a social animal, we are in constant relationship with other human beings at every stage of life. According to the situation, we have to take care of our mental, physical and emotional aspects to cope with the various favorable or unfavorable situations that will eventually result in a healthy marital relationship.

4. Keep Calm and Evaluate our Behavior.

(Proverb 29:22-An angry person stirs up the conflict and a hot-tempered person commits many sins)

Look at this example-
Rosy had a hard day. She did not tell anyone about it. In the evening Mark came and starts talking about all and sundry. It is natural for Rosy to get angry. So take a minute or two to access the situation back home, and then talk about daily routines or recent happenings. Thus, a potential argument transforms into an intimate conversation.

If we are dissatisfied with a particular behavior of our partner, we need introspection because we might be asking something which is not available. We get annoyed when things do not go in favor. Keep calm and think straight. The situation gets better of us and we demand from our partner to be more sympathetic. We get angry when this does not happen. Remember that our partner didn’t do anything wrong. We are in a constant duel with our inner self, but blaming outer resource for a defeat, if it happens.

5. Consider the Nature of Relationship Commitment.

(Ephesians- 4:2-3- Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing one another in love)

Anyone could have unsuccessful marriage but a good level of adaptation for some good and bad reasons can save their marriage. As we are bound by the traditions and fearful of the society, some of us are ready to suffer but hesitant to break up in the hope that everything will be fine. It includes molding oneself in a new human being who is elastic but tolerant like gold. Sacrifice is the base of an eternal relationship.

It depends on the level of commitment to care about our partner and the health of the relationship. In the traditional marriage, they vow to be together until the death. In the state of uncertainty, trust each other, be our own counsel, learn from the previous mistakes and take the right decision.

6. Maintain Your Positive Energy.

(Proverb 17:22-A joyful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones)

We live our lives based on both positive and negative expectations. Negativity robes us of the little moments of happiness because we are striving for a bigger one. Every morning we should claim a wonderful day by giving thanks or praise to others for their work. We will feel an energy flowing within. It is biblical to say that no weapon against us will prosper, but it is human to believe that people are out to take from us.

When we expect the worst from others including our partner, we are prepared for it and it will not hurt us so much, things are going to get better in real life. Our positivity must outweigh the negativity. Revisiting happy moments with our partner when some stress is peeping out, will help. Focus on ourselves, not on the other party, to feel relieved. Don’t anticipate a conflict when we come home. Make some simple affirmations like when I go home, I will see my children and wife or we will have a good time together. It is right that our partner’s actions determine our feelings about him or her. But we should focus on what, I know, is correct. My partner is my partner and nothing else. His or her joy is my joy.

7. Give the Benefit of the Doubt to the Partner.

(Proverb 15:1-A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger)

If we want to avoid strife, we should see the situation from the other party’s viewpoint. It will change the mechanism of the case. Give the benefit of the doubt to the partner.Example: Once I came home late. My wife says, “Why did you not call me that you will be late for dinner?” I can’t search for excuses. She has the right to be informed because all the family members wait for me for a dinner and I have to show my love for them by ringing early. I should apologize for not ringing on time and a kiss would do a lot of good.

One more thing to know is that whatever your partner says is not always personal. An impulsive reaction is quite unnecessary here. Imagine how we would have responded to our partner in this situation.

8. You are not Enemy or Competitor.

(Proverb 24:17-Don’t gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice)

When we approach our house, we are on guard because we feel that it is a battlefield. An unresolved anger takes the shape of resentment. We can pinpoint our views but the tone should be cooperative. So accept differences and make them opportunities. “The body of Christ has different parts that come together in unity”. The simple solution is to look in their eyes and say, “We are not enemies”.

(Love your enemies, do well to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.) (Luke 6:27–28)

9.Show Some Love.

“What is seen is sold” it is no doubt that I love my spouse very much, I may be introvert but have to show it now and then, not by jumping from a building or bringing him/her the moon. Just some little gestures, touches and gifts or it may be a picnic, a film a shopping time. Do some homework on what makes my partner feel good, get my spouse to do for me what I want.

(1 Corinthians 13:5 clearly tells us, love is not self-seeking, the opposite of self-seeking, love for us and tells us to do likewise)

10. Never Compare Your Spouse to another Spouse.

All human, all situations in which they live are unique to them. They can’t be duplicated as exact. So never try to put a foot in other’s shoes if we intend to compare our partner with other’s partner for good or bad reasons. It may prove to be a fatal error. Turning off our face from all that make us feel depressed, is the best solution. I will turn to my soul mate, tell him/her my feelings, grudges and whatever boiling inside completely. When I am hurt or have a burden my partner should know it as a better half. Thus, our evil feelings will melt away and our soul will be pure.

(Proverb 18:23-He, who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord)

Comments