Back in 2010, I had my first yoni massage.

Yoni means “sacred cave” or vagina in Sanskrit.

I lived on a hippy island in Thailand and it was the talk of the town. Seriously, everyone was going to workshops and getting their vaginas massaged. The word on the street was that it was really healing, and could unlock women’s sexual energy, leading to amazing multiple orgasms.

I’d come from the corporate world in the United Kingdom and I thought it was nuts.

Why would I pay someone to finger me? Imagine explaining that to my mates at the pub back home!

For a long time, it just sounded ridiculous to me, but eventually, I discovered that a female friend was providing these sessions. Since I felt safe with her and had been feeling completely blocked in my femininity, I plucked up the courage to give it a go.

The session was beautiful and profound, and she was gentle and caring. There were times of arousal, and also times of incredible vulnerability. I distinctly remember at one point thinking, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” It definitely awoke something in me, and I became aware of a whole other universe after that session.

Over the years, I dove in deep and worked with many different practitioners. My orgasmic potential blossomed and I started to experience G-spot orgasms, cervical orgasms, and squirting.

I began training with several different practitioners, and over the years, I’ve refined my own version of the modality. I’ve been astounded by the demand for this work and the depth of healing required. So many women want to heal sexual and birth trauma, to clear imprints of past relationships, and work through sexual blockages and shame.

I’ve had clients fly in from all over Australia and overseas for sessions. I’ve done this work in Thailand, Australia, India, and the U.K., and I’ve been featured in the mainstream press in both the U.K. and Australia.

And I’ve worked with everyone from TV personalities and actresses to doctors and scientists; with women aged 19 to 64.

What did they all have in common?

Just like I did back in 2010, they felt they should be experiencing something “more” and they wanted to feel whole, empowered, and happy in their own bodies.

Yoni massage isn’t for everyone, and it shouldn’t be practiced by just anyone.

There’s a huge #metoo movement happening in the neo-tantra movement as horror stories of abuse by (mostly) male practitioners have come to light. It’s essential that we choose our practitioners carefully and ask the right questions.

We’re entitled to receive awesome, safe sessions. Here are my top tips:

1. Ask around for recommendations of practitioners—this isn’t foolproof, but I liken it to going to a new hairdresser. It’s always better when we have great referrals.

2. Are you ready? You’ll know if you are! Many women will sit with the idea of it for a long time, just like I did. It’s also absolutely normal to feel nervous.

3. Work with a female practitioner for at least the first few times. I can’t stress this enough. This is vulnerable, intimate work and we need to feel safe. Working with a woman definitely puts us more at ease.

4. Have a conversation with your practitioner before you book a session. Ask questions like: how long does a session go for, and what can I expect? How do you navigate boundaries and consent? How do you deal with trauma? How long have you been practicing? What can I expect in a typical session? What’s the cost?

5. If you have a specific health issue or trauma, ask about their experience and the suitability of doing this work (sometimes the trauma may be too fresh or it may not be beneficial for certain conditions such as STIs). A yoni massage is not a panacea for all health issues. A good practitioner with integrity should be able to advise if they can’t help, or if a different modality/practitioner would be more beneficial.

6. Ask about hygiene protocol. (Do they offer the option of gloves?)

7. If you do work with a male practitioner, check in advance how he deals with boundaries. Our yonis should only be penetrated by fingers. And only when we’re ready and give verbal consent. We should also be given guidance on saying no and stop. The boundaries agreed at the start of the session should never be renegotiated part way through (no matter how much energy gets activated, or how aroused we get). Sex (and oral sex) during a session is never okay. Practitioners with integrity don’t date or have sex with their clients (or would insist on a minimum six-month cooling-off period after the session).

8. A great practitioner won’t be goal-oriented. The focus of the session should not be on making us orgasm or squirt (although it may happen anyway). The magic in these sessions happens when there is no goal, other than to hold space for healing.

9. A session should never feel rushed. I once heard of a female practitioner who lost track of time and abruptly cut the session short, leaving her client confused and traumatized.

10. Be aware that emotional release is often part of the process. Every woman and every session is different. I’ve seen women laugh hysterically, cry, scream, howl, and hiss—sometimes all at once!

11. Integration is key, so keep the schedule clear for the rest of the day (and don’t book it during your lunch hour). It’s normal to feel tender, expanded, and a bit “high.” You might also have more emotions arise later on, so get plenty of rest, eat some nourishing food, and drink plenty of water.

When performed well by an expert, this modality can have amazing results.

I’ve seen women work through many layers of trauma. I’ve witnessed clients experience ecstatic cervical orgasms for the first time. I’ve seen people leave behind ancestral and societal baggage of shame and expectation and walk out confident and radiant.

There are amazing practitioners and trainers all over the world, and as women, we all deserve to work with someone who can safely guide us into embodied empowerment.

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