Being ‘too emotional’ has almost become a hindrance in our life, our perspective is that too much emotions stop us from seeing the reality about situations. Emotions are catalysts for beautiful experiences, like finding love, succeeding in challenges and making friends. But emotions can also make us feel like it’s the end of the world sometimes. So, what does this mean to us? Are we simply meant to ride out with whatever we get? Well most of the times yes, but also, not necessarily.

We forget that before we are logical beings, we are biological. Emotions aren’t just related to our mind, but more importantly to our entire body. They are our bodies way of enhancing our everyday experiences, without them everything would feel neutral. They’re the reason we do the things we like to do, and move away from the things we don’t.

This makes it seem like they’re just physiological occurrences in our bodies, but another important aspect of our humanity is our feelings. Our feelings are “mental experiences of the body states”1, they’re judgments of the emotions that our bodies create. They help us make conclusions about situations. And this is something we can very much control. It sounds easier said than done, but hear me out.

Emotions guide us to find the things that light our soul, if we’re lucky and we’re in the right environment to actually find them. But what if we’re searching in a place that offers no help? Where there’s so much stress that it seems impossible to feel anything positive? Do we simply go with the flow until our external circumstances change on their own? 

What if, when we experience a negative emotion, instead of reacting from or suppressing it, we sit with our emotions? What if we ask ourselves why we feel this way, and what can we do to actually feel better?

When we’re going through an experience that seems impossible to get out of, our judgment mirrors our feelings about the situation, we start to believe that the present situation is our entire reality. And instead of taking a step back to assess where our bodies are guiding us, we force ourselves back into what’s now become a past experience because we have no idea how to ride the wave out.

Hence the term ‘vicious cycle’ comes in. It seems impossible to get ourselves out because we mentally become trapped in our emotion-body. We wonder how in the world can we even think about our dream life when we’re stuck in a real nightmare. It didn’t matter whether the person is rich or poor, visibly abundant, with family or friends, has a good job or not, the uncontrollable emotions get the best of the person and they feel like they have no way out.

The secret to having more positive emotions does not lie in our external circumstances. But what does that even mean? Here we go back to feelings. When you’re going through a bad experience, what’s usually the first thing that comes to mind? We start to judge the circumstances, people around us, or worst of all become our worst self critics. This traps us and makes it impossible to turn it around because we lay in what feels like a comforting space of self pity, laziness or excuses. While positive emotions catalyse great moments as we experience them without overthinking, our reaction to the negative ones halts the natural way our body goes through the world because we mentally get in the way of the experience.

So what if the next time you go through a tough experience, you feel differently about it? What if, instead of concluding your experience by judgment, you simply observe and make notes? Making notes about our feelings (for example by prompt questions or journaling) allows us to consciously and gently understand that our emotions are nothing but guides. It helps us disassociate from them and be their observer rather than simply their reactor.

If we feel anxious and sense our minds running at a thousand miles per hour, what if we grab our journal (in an age of info overload, a mindset notebook has been a life saver for me) and simply ask ourselves and answer questions to “why do I feel anxious?”, “what is bothering me, and why is it bothering me?”, “what can I do about it?”. And with that, we can regain our power of catalysing change in our life to the positive even from our negative experiences.

Think of it as reading a novel. It’s always easier when it’s someone else’s life, because it’s easier to look at the situation when we’re not so subjectively involved. So try getting out of your own way, try and judge less, and observe more, and see what happens! This won’t necessarily change your life in a day, we’re reconnecting with our bodies’ automatic reactions that we’ve acquired after years of reacting the same way. But it will help you gain emotional intelligence and make better decisions to lead you to your desires.

The secret to enhancing the quality of our life will always start with inner work. And if we’re patient and persistent with our reflective work, and learn to cultivate positive feelings (through mindset work), we can slowly but surely start to listen more to our body’s guidance toward the things we desire, rather than tense up and stop it from going through the motions. We can actually flow with our body’s growth even with the difficult experiences, because this will be where our true potentiality resides, this is where we start to learn to acquire the things we love, in our uncomfort zone. Because with gaining anything new, growth must as happen, and we can then in essence become emotional alchemists in our own lives.

1. Antonio D’Amasio, https://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/whats-the-difference-between-feelings-and-emotions/

Jessica Saoud has a Bachelor’s in Philosophy & International Politics, after a few years of externally searching for happiness to help with her past anxiety and depression, she found yoga and has been a student of its teachings for 2 years. She realised that true happiness lies and can be cultivated within by practicing love in our everyday actions.  

You can find Jessica on her instagram https://www.instagram.com/seeking.withjess/ (@seeking.withjess) as she addresses topics of motivation, mental and emotional health, cultivating a growth mindset and shares delicious vegan food.