I still remember how the sun felt on my skin the moment I heard the words on the other line of the phone telling me that my friend had passed away.

My heart shattered into a million pieces of pain that weighed my life down into solemn despair. An agony so deep, I couldn’t begin to describe. Not being able to bear the news, I sank into a deep and overwhelming sadness. From that moment onward, I turned my emotions off—as I didn’t have it in me to confront my reality—and cried myself to sleep for many nights.

Be it a friend, a family member or a lover, loss is a void that nothing material can ever replace or fill. The emptiness that comes with the realization that someone you care so deeply about will never ever be there again is beyond what words can ever describe. The yearn for that person can be so excruciating that it can make something beautiful feel very unpleasant in moments of pain. I was in a magical place filled with rivers and trees where even the rainforest views out my window made me sick. All I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up from a bad dream.

With the passing of my friend, the way I lived changed. Everything was shaken. From the way I saw the world to how I experienced life. Having lost a dear friend put my own life into perspective. I realized that the pain would always be there. What I chose to do with it, is what changed everything for me.

Here are some lessons I learned from my journey to healing my heart and dealing with loss:

1. Clichés do matter: Life IS short. It doesn’t matter how much money we have in the bank or how successful we are. At some point too, it will be our time to go. Life is a gamble and it only takes a second for a it to be taken away. Tomorrow is uncertain for everyone alike. So, eat that brownie, climb that mountain and tell people you love them. I learned to count my blessings instead of living like I would last forever.
2. Don’t be too harsh on yourself: Mistakes happen, deadlines are not always met, things fall apart, relationships break. Yet we can and will continue going. Simply choose to show up for yourself and step by step walk this journey called life. I learned to keep on moving even when the path got a little rocky. At my own pace, under my own rules and always honouring the way I felt.
3. Be present: to yourself and to others. Drop the cellphone, look at people in the eyes. Have conversations in person. Technology makes it easy to connect people in some ways but easy to distance us from others at the same time. Whenever possible stop by someone’s house, meet for coffee, have a potluck. I learned to create an environment where community was always welcome and where I got the chance to enjoy the physical presence of those whose life I cherished so much.
4. Don’t take people for granted: celebrate the people you love in your life now. Don’t wait for someone to die to write how much they mean to you on social media or send flowers to their obituary. I began to ask myself “what would I do if ____ was gone”. Whatever the answer was, is what I did. I took the time out of my day to make sure the ones I loved knew how much they meant to me.
5. Hold on to those who love you: more often than not we are blind to people who care deeply about us. We all have one or two people who will always be there and have demonstrated their love for us in many ways. Drop the expectations and embrace the magic that comes with love. Instead of continuously tiring ourselves looking for it, simply let it come to you. I learned to be open to receiving love even if it wasn’t from whom I was hoping it would be from. Love is love and should always be welcome.
6. Slow down: we eat fast, drive fast, talk fast and want everything to happen now. Yet it is in between the lines that magic happens. When we move too fast we miss out on everything that’s worthwhile and happening around and within us. I learned to sit with my pain and breathe instead of running away from it all. This allowed me to think more clearly and truly begin my journey into healing. I made a routine for myself and enjoyed the simplicities of life. I moved away from being overwhelmed to getting joy from drinking a cup of coffee in bed.

In the end, it doesn’t matter what we eat, how many hours we work or how long we work out for. What really matters, is how the sun feels on our skin the moment we leave our houses and how full our hearts are from doing everything that we love. Losing a friend made me realize that I kept waiting for the perfect moment instead of making it perfect myself. I kept hoping for the perfect person or people to come into my life and was blind to see the ones who were already there. I kept crying over the ones who didn’t love me and the tears wouldn’t let me see the ones who did. By surrounding my life with love and moments that I wanted to be a part of I learned about gratitude and the power of living in the now.

We keep waiting for something different than what we have. On Monday we want Friday to be back. In the morning we want the day to be over. In the end, life will simply pass us by. Fridays will eventually come and days will eventually turn into night. But if we wait for it to happen instead of enjoying it while it is happening, happiness will be hard to come by. Life gifts us with moments. And those moments happen in between the lines, not in the headings. Life doesn’t happen on a Friday, it happens on our way to Friday. I stopped wishing for what I didn’t have and woke up to the beauty of what I did have. I tried to make the most out of every moment. Mondays do not suck. It is our attitude that sucks. Make Monday your Saturday. It is all about perspective.

We spend a big chunk of our lives preparing or planning for the future but the truth is that we will never be prepared enough for the loss of a loved one. After reading many books, asking questions and trying everything in my power to fill the void I quickly learned that a person is never gone. They become part of the air, the earth, the water and everything natural that surrounds us. They are in every breath we take, in every sunset and sunrise that we see and in every ocean wave that hits the shore. No one is ever gone completely. They transform into something different. They are and will always remain in our hearts. Their presence is forever eternal no matter the shape.